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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is it me or him?

3 replies

minny80 · 03/06/2019 13:10

Right, I need a second opinion on what's going on. After 2 months of no contact ex suddenly got back in touch to let me know "he missed me".

Since we didn't manage to have a final conversation (see one of my previous posts, but basically we just ended up not messaging each other anymore) I proposed to meet up. We meet up for dinner last Tuesday and apparently, he was taken aback by me telling him the reason I have decided not to be in touch anymore is that he couldn't even be arsed to "decide" whether he wanted to go on a booked holiday with me or not, and he was treating me like I wasn't a priority in his life. So taken aback that he needed to think about things to process them. Well, we've decided we should keep talking but basically, he has been "too busy" since last Tuesday!! We have some small talk chat during the day and every time we agree we need to talk in the evening but then, he falls asleep, goes out, he needs to work or he replies to my message when I am ready for bed. Yesterday I got fed up and stop replying to his chit chat when he mentioned at 8 pm he still had 45 minutes worth of work (just to clarify he is not a neurosurgeon and he has a normal Monday to Friday office job, although at a managerial level so he sometimes does some more work at weekends). AIBU to think that if this is was a priority for him he would find the time to have a frank conversation about why our relationship ended? I feel like he is taking me for a ride and I should just block him!
I appreciate people can be busy, but the way he cancels or forgets short notice we were supposed to have a chat makes me feel he is behaving exactly how he was behaving towards the end: totally un-arsed and ready to point out it was me exaggerating and being unsupportive of all the things going on in his life...

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/06/2019 13:13

Its not you, its him but you are part of this overall dysfunction as well so you need to get off the merry go around. What have you got out of this so called relationship to date exactly?

He is an ex for good reason. He merely wants to keep yanking your chain to see if you react. Do not give him any response, to such people that is the reward.

Block him completely and work on rebuilding your own self esteem here as men like this can do that great harm.

minny80 · 03/06/2019 15:04

Thanks Attila, I think he is only looking for an ego boost, and prob he doesn't really know what he wants, except not to be alone!

OP posts:
pictish · 03/06/2019 15:36

"After 2 months of no contact ex suddenly got back in touch to let me know "he missed me".

Since we didn't manage to have a final conversation (see one of my previous posts, but basically we just ended up not messaging each other anymore) I proposed to meet up."

That was your mistake. He hasn't bothered his backside for two months and on the first point of contact you're available straight away. In fact, you suggest a meeting.

No wonder he thinks he doesn't have to make an effort.

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