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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you please sort this out

3 replies

Cristoball · 03/06/2019 07:40

I'm really really confused about my marriage and Im hoping you can help me get some clarity. I'm going through a stressful time and I don't know if that's distorting my judgement.

In a nutshell I am very confused. My dh treated me really badly at the beginning of our relationship. So things like I didn't get a say in financial stuff, no choice in what house I bought, being shut down angrily if I asked to talk about it. Silent treatment, banging doors, moodiness, not speaking to me - all out of the blue regularly and not knowing what I'd done to make him act like that. He hardly spoke to me. He

After I had my first child I had a 3rd degree tear and could barely walk. He wouldn't let me stay at my parents house where I'd have got support so i stayed at home where he didn't even help me. Try bending down putting the washing on 2 days post op- I had tears in my eyes, it was so painful.

The shit continued for months. I couldn't cope with new baby and this and told him I wanted to leave. He begged me not to and he'd change. Things did. We plodded along a few years and 2 babies later. Things have been much better. I've recently had a baby and the sad thing was I had to tell him not to treat me like shit after like he did with the others. Who needs to do that?!

Things have been really hard with baby but I'm getting such an overwhelming feeling of sadness of how I haven't really been that valued and supported in this relationship and I want to leave. I'm really stressed with baby as she's a bad sleeper and super clingy. I don't know if it's my stress and feeling just down thats making me feel this way. It's like the past is rearing its head for no reason. Will I ever get over it? Have you?

OP posts:
Stiffasaboard · 03/06/2019 07:43

Why should you get over it?

You are entitled to want better out of your relationship

And no I wouldn’t be able to be with a man who had treated me like that. But then I wouldn’t have had two/three more children with him

Does he treat the kids well or is he abusive to them too?

You can leave simply because you aren’t happy.

Cristoball · 03/06/2019 07:51

I know. I know. I shouldn't have had children with him though I absolutely love the hell out of them. I grew up in an abusive household, not saying this is an excuse but I haven't had a good relationship model to learn from. Add that my extremely low self esteem and confidence and I just didn't see it for what it was or had the courage. I feel so ashamed, honestly of how I've let him treat me in the past.

OP posts:
Auellica · 03/06/2019 07:57

The shame is his. Not yours.

Look, having a new baby is a stressful time. Especially if you’re not being supported.

So, breathe. Decide what is best for you and your children. If it’s not him, then do what you need to to begin removing him from your life.

You’re worth more.

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