Secrets then disengaged

[PenelopePink]

I wanted to get views on this to try to understand what might be going on. One of my closest friends is going through a hard time and I know he doesn’t talk to many people about his problems. He doesn’t have many close friends/partner. He came to me last week with a problem, I suggested we catch up on the weekend to talk it through properly. So last night we did and it was weird. He wasn’t as positive about me as he usually is, he told me his problems and we talked about it for a while (it was stuff I know he’d have trouble talking about and wouldn’t be telling anyone else) but then he said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore and was weirdly disengaged for the rest of the time - not really chatting or listening etc. The whole vibe was out and my feelings are really hurt, especially as during the conversation I ended up disclosing some of my own stuff too.

Has anyone had this happen before? Am I being used?

He may have realised that he'd divulged too much to you and put the shutters up. Your conversation may have prompted him to realise something he hadn't considered before and he needed time to process that.

More likely, he felt that you were more interested in you than you were in him - you used the conversation as a chance to talk about your stuff, you think he should have been more positive about you and so on. Your whole post is about how you feel, whereas you'd promised him the opportunity to talk about his feelings.

Maybe. I only divulged my own stuff to make him feel better though and after he said he was done talking about himself and he ended up asking a lot of questions. Maybe you’re right though

But you have said yourself he is having a really hard time. Why does this have to be about you and how positive he is about you? He doesn't sound well enough to have the bandwidth to pander to you. Can you not give him support without expecting anything back?

That's a fair point. I suppose it's more that I got a couple of barbed comments during the course of the conversation that were unusual.

Maybe I was too self involved, although don't think I was at the time? It's just not settled in my mind since. Other times we've had similar chats I've still felt like he's warm toward me

Sounds to me his hard time is all consuming and he doesnt have the energy to give you the boost you crave. He came to you with a problem and you obviously couldn't help him the way he needed. You're accustomed to him acting a certain way and now that he didn't you're taking it personally. It sounds like he needs people to be a friend to him without having to give anything back just now. Can you?

Maybe. I only divulged my own stuff to make him feel better though and after he said he was done talking about himself and he ended up asking a lot of questions. Maybe you’re right though

Why do people do this? Share to try and compare to show they understand? It never comes across that way.

It sounds like he needs people to be a friend to him without having to give anything back just now. Can you?

Well put.