Can stop thinking about my best mate (male)

[HattyRed]

I’m so confused. I can’t stop thinking about my male best friend. I think I have fallen for him. Nooooooo!!! This cannot happen.

How can I forget about him whilst still being his closest friend? This is not good.

He’s away on holiday at the moment and the distance has made everything clear to me.

Neither of us is single.

Help!

Ride it out. It'll pass.

Yes it’ll pass. It has to.

He has a girlfriend. Leave him alone. She's likely on here somewhere discussing her relationship and being told she's insecure about his female friend.

If the attraction is on both sides you could both leave your partners. It doesn't sound as if he has made any move or shown he's attracted to you however. Focus on your own relationship and perhaps tone down the friendship a little. Or leave your partner if you're not really into him

Been there! I found stopping confiding in him so much helped, and making sure I went to dp with my problems instead. In a weird way it’s also better to see/chat to him online more rather than less as when a while passes without contact it’s always really special to see him but if it’s more often we almost run out of things to talk about a little more if that makes sense

I’ll try to confide in him less. I shouldn’t tell him how I feel should I?

Are you happy in your own relationship? If not perhaps these new feelings are related to that. It might be worth turning your focus to your relationship and deciding whether it's working. Obviously that'll be more complicated if you have been together years/have dc, but I'd start there rather than with your feelings for your friend. (Full disclosure: I married my best friend but we were fotunately both single when we each realised how we really felt.)

Don’t tell him. I did and it took ages for the friendship to recover as he didn’t feel the same

Maybe I should just use Mumsnet as an outlet for how I feel about him so I don’t need to say it in real life!

He has a partner OP, so do you and the most important thing here is to be respectful of that.

I am sure he confides in her more than he does you, she is presumably actually his closest friend as well as his partner. it's helpful to drop the notion that you have something that is 'more' than they do before you run away with it.
What would you tell him for exactly? In the hope that he dumps her and you can have him because he secretly likes you better? If he is not single I do think it's out of line to tell him, frankly. There aren't any reasons for doing so that don't boil down to letting him know so he can consider whether he likes you back.

I'm sure most of us have been where you are, you need to distance yourself, meet up less one on one, don't do 'coupley' things together, reduce the intimate conversations and suggest he discuss with his partner etc.

Where does your partner factor into this? Were you unhappy in the relationship before you came to this 'realisation'. Crushes are very often symptomatic of things we are unhappy about and circumstances, not the person we 'crush' on at all. Who is often conveniently representative of what we crave that we are missing.

I've been on the receiving end where my partner and his female friend got together. It's shitty behaviour. I suggest you be single for a while as you're clearly not ready for commitment to anyone. If he also becomes single, maybe approach it then, but right now you need to respect his current situation.