Handhold pls - really thought this one was different :(

[feelingsareweird]

Hello, long time lurker here. Not sure if anyone's awake but I'm sad and angry and would love a virtual hug.

After much previous heartbreak and 3 years single I thought I'd met someone special. He was so different to other people I've been with, I trusted him so much and felt so comfortable with him - communication has always been an issue in past relationships for me but this time I felt I could tell him anything.

He was the instigator for making this more than a casual fling. He was the one who brought up feelings and was talking about all the stuff we would do in future. I was cautious but I let him convince me.

Now six months down the line he admits (after much lying and fudging) he's met someone else a while ago but 'didn't know who he wanted or how to tell me' (that old chestnut!). So he lied to me and her. Now realises she is apparently the one. I am wonderful person, he's so remorseful, made a terrible mistake letting this go on blah blah blah.

Same old story I know. I really believed this was different. I trusted him and poured my heart out to him (which I find very difficult). But it was the same old bullshit, the exact same. Can't believe I fell for it AGAIN. How is it possible to ever judge that someone's trustworthy? Am I just totally dumb and naive? How can I trust my own judgement when this keeps happening?

Back to square one again. Alone, getting too late to settle down. Fuckkk I'm really sad :( :(

Sorry this has happened. You arent dumb or naive. That was horrible of him to string you along whilst deciding. He might do that a lot and you’ll realise you’re well rid of him. But its hard I know as you were starting to open up to him and thought of a future.

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince! Be kind to yourself, plan things to keep yourself busy and make you feel good

I’m sorry you are sad and can definitely send you some virtual hugs!
((((((((((((((Big hugs))))))))))))))
But it’s too early in the morning to be philosophical - NEXT!!!!!
There are good men out there - hope you find the one for you xx

Oh op so sorry you have been disappointed again big big virtual hug.

He was two timing you so you can’t really be at fault he just wasn’t as committed as you thought.

It’s never to late to find a partner good things are worth the wait but you will still have the inevitable grieving process to go through

A wonderful friend of mine told me baby steps take each day at a time and each day is another brick in your wall ... I also chucked my now husband in a room with her for an hour to see if he passed her test ova he did she should be an interviewer for our secret device 😂😂

All jokes aside he should feel bad 😞 but he doesn’t speak for all man kind take time for you and take it slow with the next guy make him work for you because you ARE worth it x x

Thank you all, lovely people!

I know you're all right. He's clearly not worth it. Just can't believe it was the exact same script as my exP of ten years fed me when he met OW (who he just married a few weeks ago - just to rub salt into this wound!). Even down to the crying with 'remorse' about hurting me after being forced reluctantly to confess. Was so sure I wouldn't let myself get taken for a fool again 😣😣😣

Thanks for listening, my friends who know about this are all quite far away right now so it's really good to have somewhere to vent!

I saw this today & it sums it up nicely x

@Joy69 thanks, that's just what I need! Was literally just sitting here thinking maybe I'd been too harsh sending him away in anger and wondering if I should have left it as friends. I hate leaving things on a bad note and wanted to check if he's ok. But that's given me some much-needed perspective for sure!!

Glad it helped a bit. I'm in the same situation & my friend says stop going for idiots. The problem is that they never seem idiots at the beginning do they

Of course you're not being too harsh. He cheated on you. He's absolutely fine, he has the ow to wipe his self-pitying tears.

wanted to check if he's ok Oh no, woe is he, he behaved like a shitbag. Poor him.

Really, op, really?

It's terrible that he lied to you and cheated and no way to friends. Friends don't lie, cheat, and string you along.

These days, since men lie so much for their own benefit, you have to assume they are lying until they prove they aren't.

There's no way to tell if someone is lying unless it is really obvious, so I just start out assuming they are lying.

It's sad to have to be that way, but people just don't seem to have the same moral compass as they used to.

What a horrible man! Really glad you are rid of him - but it hurts like hell and that is so sad.

this was an article that really helped me, and I hope it helps you too
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-did-you-get-me-to-trust-you-walls-can-make-us-ripe-for-the-charmers/

@ChristmasFluff wow that article is an eye opener!! Definitely fits my experiences... was definitely a case of an intense charm offensive! And I've been doubting my own judgement so much.

And other PPs, you're all right, I should not be feeling guilty at all! Just struggling to reconcile the person I thought he was with who I now know he is, I guess.

I hate leaving things on a bad note and wanted to check if he's ok.

You sound as if you are a really lovely person

Caring about whether he is ok when he has perpetrated such a horrible thing on you, in my view, goes beyond being a decent person into 'putting your own needs last' territory.

Is that something you might tend to do ?

@FinallyHere haha yes that definitely describes me - major fear of letting down / disappointing / upsetting others :(