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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Today my best friends dh asked me out..

35 replies

AppleSquash · 02/06/2019 21:24

Do I tell her? Obvs I rebuffed him pretty cleanly. She's been talking to me about possible divorce for a while & is 'circling-the-drain' so to speak - trying to make things work out, get him to go to counselling etc, although with not much luck. I don't want to be piggy in the middle of their situation. My thought is to keep schtum. Wwyd?

OP posts:

TheGrapefulDread · 02/06/2019 22:19

Yes tell her. The relationship as BFF’s could be tainted now anyway - thanks to him. In this instance I think honesty is the most straightforward and positive option.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 02/06/2019 22:23

The advice not to tell is usually when a) you don't know the wife in question, have no proof or otherwise have a high chance of not being believed, or b) you are/were the other woman and are motivated by revenge rather than concern for her feelings.

(Personally, I've never understood why situation b makes a difference - if my partner was cheating on me I'd want to know, and wouldn't be much concerned whether the motivation of the person telling me was pure and noble, but there you go)

I think that telling your friend is the best course of action - if it was me, I'd be concerned that I'd blurt it out when drunk eventually and I'd rather it happened at a time when it might be of use to her.

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 02/06/2019 22:28

I would tell her as she needs to know and it may also help with her decision about what to do about her relationship with the cheater as I wonder if your not the 1st person hes asked out.

daisyboocantoo · 02/06/2019 22:51

You have to tell her!!

beanaseireann · 04/06/2019 07:46

The only thing is OP she may not believe you or he may have spun her a line that you came on to him.

Slippersandacuppa · 04/06/2019 07:51

My sister’s boyfriend (at the time - ex now) did the same to me while she was at work one day. I told her as she deserved to know (how many others had he tried it on with??) and it was one of the reasons she got rid of him. It was hard for her at the time and I felt really bad contributing to her sadness but we laugh about it now and she’s so much better off without the twonk.

KatherineJaneway · 04/06/2019 08:09

It is a difficult one. If you say something she may not believe you and he denies everything. You don't tell her but he might in a fight later on when they are separating and he wants to hurt your friendship.

I'd tell her. She deserves to know and if your friendship is strong, she will believe you.

ShatnersWig · 04/06/2019 08:30

The usual mn advice on couples having affairs or other halves playing around is to keep your nose out..

Rather a big difference between seeing your friend's husband looking cosy with or even kissing another woman in a cafe and him asking you out!

rootsonshow · 04/06/2019 08:47

My husbands best friend did this to me, I told his wife who was my friend and she believed him when he told her that I was so upset and that he heard me talking to the dog and he was trying to comfort me.
My ex-friend believed him and took him on a romantic holiday. I am not surprised. If you tell her she will never be the same again. Personally, I would want to know.

RestingBitchFaced · 04/06/2019 08:57

What did he actually say?

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