I’m just after a little perspective from others, if these are normal traits of a long term relationship. I’m not sure what to think or do but I feel so sad and down all I can do is cry. Been with my partner for 15 years, we have 2 kids under 4 and a house, we both work but I work part time 3 days a week but I’m out of the house for 12 hours a day. We got engaged in November last year but things turned worse in October and a whole series of events has happened.
1st in November before we got engaged I went out with my work friends, I did get a bit drunk but im not a nasty drunk I was probably a bit silly more than anything else and came back home and fell asleep. The next morning I was woken up with his phone a centimetre away from my face, with him shouting SLG you f’in SLG. He found a picture on Facebook I was tagged in where I was sat next to a male work colleague. Yes sat. But he said I was leaning all over him. Every single person who has seen the picture even my own mum has said there is no way I am making bodily contact with this bloke at all. Not a smidge. He’s a work colleague who myself and everyone gets on great with. He went hysterical for days lying on the floor crying refusing to eat, telling me I should apologise and I don’t love him. I had nothing to apologise for, I did nothing wrong. But he said I came back drunk and I don’t ever get that drunk with him and I just went to sleep rather than have sex with him.
My works Christmas party he didn’t speak to me for days for the same reason above, he was still talking about me ‘leaning up’ dave from the office. Another 3 days of him crying hysterically.
Family wedding we traveled 4 hours to go to I got called a sl*g infront of his entire family because I was dancing with our brother in law, right infront of him. Just dancing and enjoying myself like everyone else dancing and enjoying themselves. He sat and sulked for the remainder of the evening, refused to apologise and we had to spend the next 2 days with his family. He’s still not said sorry.
A weekend away to see my family who I probably visit once a year turned chaotic. He went to the shop and my niece bought everyone a shot, she asked if my husband would want one and I said he’s popped out. When he got wind that we’d had a shot he didn’t speak to me for 2 hours, at my family party, my niece even bought him a shot to keep him happy, but he wouldn’t look at me and kept saying I was out of order. Later that night at the party when we finally started to talk again, after hours of me trying my hardest with him, he asked me to go and find an alleyway with him up the road to have sex. I said to him, it’s raining outside, I don’t know where I am and I’m here with my family who I hardly see. He called me boring and said I had no sense of adventure. He was so nasty about it my sister in law text me the next day to ask if I was ok.
Last weekend we went out and when we got back our daughter woke up crying and wanted to come into our bed. I let her and I said I’ll stay with her as she was asking for me. He called me a c*nt infront of our daughter and said everyone else ‘will be getting the ride’ tonight apart from him. I asked our friends if they ‘had the ride’ that night and they all said they got in and went to sleep, it was a late night.
This weekend the same friends asked us to theirs for dinner and wine. I said sounds good let’s go. His response was ‘why the f*ck should we when all u do is go to sleep when u get home’. Basically saying that a night out can’t be done unless we have sex.
We have sex probably twice a week. But I am getting to the point now where I am disliking him because he’s so horrible to me.
Last week it was a hot sunny day. I put a dress on in the morning and he said I looked lovely we went shopping and nothing was an issue. Later that day his boss said he was popping over and his dad was too, he then demanded I go and put some jeans on as no one wants to ‘see my a*se hanging out’. I don’t wear dresses that expose my entire back end, so thought he was totally unreasonable. He started the silent treatment so I just got changed.
We’ve not been talking this week because of how he’s been but two days on the trot he’s announced that he needs to masturbate so can i ensure me and the kids stay downstairs. The next day he text me saying ‘I need a lamb shank when I get home so can u and the kids stay downstairs’. I said to him why do u feel the need to talk to me like this and tell me, he said well u don’t do it so I’ve got to. After being called a c*nt for going to sleep and him not apologising i don’t want to do anything with him!
There are many more things, like going in moods over what I wear to the office. If I straighten my hair he asks who at work am I so interested in, if I wear make up.
He now objects to me changing into my slacks when I get home, and wants me to sit all night in my work clothes because I look scruffy in my slacks apparently.