Wife advice

[feelingblue12]

Since the New Year, my wife decided that she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. This came as a surprise to me and I was naturally upset.

We had long discussions and I reluctantly decided that we would call things a day after realising/thinking that she had no interest in trying to fix things.

We have 2 small children and due to financial constraints we couldn’t leave the family home and go our own way.

Recently we went on a family holiday as it was already booked and paid for. The holiday was great for the kids and we got on fine on holiday.

My wife was out for a few drinks with her female friend and stayed at hers overnight.

Here’s the confusing part. She came home had a sleep and when she woke up asked if I wanted to have sex with her. I was taken a back by this as we hadn’t been intimate for months and months prior to agreeing to separate. I thought this was going to be a one off, but this morning, she’s asked me again.

I don’t know where I stand now. I would be happy to get back together but I don’t know if she will be, and im scared to ask at fear of rejection.

I know it is just sex, but why did she ask me? Was it just convenient for her?

So confused by this. I’m not sure whether to go with the flow or start a serious conversation with her.

Any thoughts?

No one else can tell you what she is thinking - you'll really have to talk to her.

She’s going to hurt you OP either way, as you clearly want the old relationship back

You’ll feel even more hurt though being used as a sex toy temporarily until someone else gets her love

I feel really heartbroken for you OP, do what you think will leave you less hurt a year from now

She’s still your wife, ask her if her feelings have changed.

You should ask her.
No point in playing guessing games, so find out exactly where you stand.
Asking her isn't going to lead to rejection; that has already happened, unless she has changed her mind.
Either way, don't let her keep chopping and changing as its not fair on you.

It seems to me that she has had stuff going on that you don't know about OP. Are you certain she was out with a female friend?

Thanks guys.

I’m not getting my hopes up and I think the sooner I ask her the better. The longer I leave it, the more questions and confusion I will have.

@grupple, I don’t have any doubts about the female friend as she left something at her friends house and her friend dropped it off at our house later that day.

Something just feels different, but as I say, I’m not getting my hopes up.

Perhaps what ever it was that made her unhappy has resolved itself OP, just be a bit careful, fingers crossed for you.

You need a frank conversation. If she wants to try again then it's up to you if you want to as well.

However if you have made the decision to separate, then I think you need to find some way of doing that. I know of a few couples who have decided to separate but still lived together, gone on holiday together etc. It has proved a very unhealthy situation all round. The inevitable happens every so often, particularly when on holiday, and it then confuses matters. Ultimately a clean break will be best for both of you, and for your DC who will otherwise be living in limbo with two parents who are together but not together.

Without knowing more about the situation it feels like she is playing games with you. Ask her to be honest about what she wants, and you be honest about what you want too.