Would anyone mind suggesting ways to split finances?

[AnduinsGirl]

Hi all,
My boyfriend of 8 months and I have been in a long distance relationship, alternating travelling to each other every three weeks or so. We're spending a bloody fortune on transport/hotels and it's just awful when we have to say goodbye. After an amazing week of him being up here, we have decided to move in together, with him moving into my house. I'm so excited for this, but haven't a clue how to split finances as I've never lived with someone before. I'm also going to be the higher wage earner by far, and would appreciate any suggestions of how to be fair, so we both have money to enjoy, but keep myself protected. For the record, he's incredibly open to discussing finances and has stressed he has decent savings and would hate to "sponge" off me.
This is the situation:

• No children on either side, and no plans to have any.
• I take home £3k/month, he will have to find work but realistically to begin with I think this will be lower - he currently earns £1100/month.
• I have debts which I pay off regularly which of course are my responsibility and would expect to keep paying them alone. He has no debt.
• Currently after all bills, mortgage, debts, car payments, etc are paid, i have a disposable income of approx £1k/month. This is obviously a really decent amount. I'm very embarrassed that I don't have savings - I do not spend sensibly at the moment, which I want to address ASAP.
• We want to live fairly modestly and start a savings account. Would it be wise to wait before doing this and ensure we are compatible living together?

I feel like we will have a really decent amount coming in every month, and appreciate we're really lucky. I know we need to sit down and work it out in finer detail, but any comments or suggestions would be really helpful - thanks!

On so many posts everyone seems to suggest when it’s the man earning more he should contribute more, so I feel as you do (you should contribute more).

That’s for relationships where they’ve been together for more than five minutes.

Nothing to do with who is male/female

Sorry - had to pop out. He's currently working full time through an agency for a construction business. He isn't enjoying it though and there's an amazing opportunity here for him to begin with a company whose owner is a friend of mine. Although the pay wouldn't be great to begin with, there would be opportunities for progression and - more importantly - it's doing something he will love.

Pay the whole mortgage yourself for a while to see how it goes.
TBH I don't need him contributing specifically to the mortgage. Happy to just split the bills, but equally he will want to pay a fair amount. It's been really helpful hearing different perspectives, I'm very grateful. Very aware it's still extremely early days and we'll both be going into this with open minds and a degree of caution.

Split all bills 50/50 apart from the mortgage, you said all bills come to 1K I'm assuming the mortgage will be included in that if the mortgage costs say £400 then split the £600 so he pays £300 but you should pay the mortgage by yourself because they can claim for that if you do separate. Also split food bills as well.

I would ask him to pay a fair amount in rent and joint expenses (electric, gas/oil, water, internet, food shopping, etc.). If he is only earning a 1/3 of what you earn, then it makes sense that this is considerably less, so he may only pay like 500 or whatever makes sense give each of your personal expenses. That means you each have money left over according to your individual earning levels. You have more because you earn more and he has less.

But why should he live rent-free? There's additional wear and tear if two people live there - he should definitely pay something in rent.

Do not let him pay towards the mortgage as if you split up, he can make a claim on your property.

To offset against this, he can pay a larger proportion towards utility bills and food though although I do think for fairness, it should be a percentage of income rather than 50/50 but that’s just me.

Don’t join savings etc. There’s no need. You can save and he can save and in future, if you want to purchase together, you can pool savings then.

You’re in the honeymoon period right now but try to think really sensibly.

You’re in the honeymoon period right now but try to think really sensibly. Haha - I don't deny it :) But I do have a relatively sensible side to me, even if it's not showing here. I wouldn't compromise everything I've worked hard for and it's the most important thing in the world for me to know that I will always cope on my own and will never be dependant on ANYONE.

I am in a similar situation in terms of take home pay vs my DH’s take home pay. When he moved in with me we agree he would pay an amount equal to half the bills apart from the mortgage. We also half all food bills and joint socialising.

Now he is my DH we have agree he will pay a bit more, which will be saved for holidays/stuff for our house. It’s roughly proportionate to what we earn,

I think to start with though I wouldn’t have wanted him paying to mortgage for the reasons other posters have set out

I wouldn't charge him too much. Suggest covering bills and a small amount towards rent which could be saved. If your relationship goes tits up he could have that to start again. If it goes well you could use it for a joint house.

Sorry to be another to poop the party but It’s only been 8 months and you should be planning for the worst, even if he is amazing and it ultimately ends in marriage...

Move him in as “a lodger” (with contract) and charge him under market rate by £100 or so.

The problem with “just bills” is it sets a precedent and the other person gets used to super low living costs - unless they are v disciplined they get used to having large disposable incomes (which they wouldn’t other wise have)
It can create big problems further down the line in the relationship.

@horsemenoftheapocalyspe to have him as a legit lodger he should be in his own room and not shagging his landlady. So that wouldn't hold up anywhere.

You barely know him. What’s the rush?

Since you can afford it, tell him you will both treat the house like a rental....
Half of everything into a bills account....
Sweep what is left into a separate account and use it for holidays meals out ect .. yes I know it won't include paying rent... But it will give you both a joint life style..... Maybe agree to share this account if you ever split up.
You pay your mortgage out of your wages.... And try to pay your mortgage down....
I think I would try to limit my spending to the same wage as your partner, this would mean you enjoy the house, But there is no resentment about dissosible income...

Work out your annual household bills & don't forget your council tax will go up if you currently get single person's discount, then divide by 12 to get average monthly bills. Then talk to him about food bills as you can shop in Aldi or Lidl relatively cheaply or have Ocado deliveries that cost a bomb, so you need to be on the same page there. If you agree on an affordable food budget, you can then combine bills and monthly food budget and split this 50:50 as he'd be doing this if he shared with a friend. You keep paying the mortgage and he could give you a bit extra 'for rent' as if he was renting a room or not if you're just happy he pays his share of bills and food. I'd keep finances totally separate with him paying you his share each month by standing order or BACS. This way, if it doesn't work out it's easy to walk away with out any resentment over money. You can always set up a joint account later but speaking from experience, it's best to keep them separate initially.

This a really great opportunity for YOU to get your own finances in order and to set a good foundation for your financial future (because you are currently earning a high wage and yet still in debt).

Step one - Your ongoing commitments: mortgage, commuting, hobbies, charity donations
Step two - His commitments: commuting travel, hobbies, charity donations....
Step three - your shared commitments: heating, food, bills etc
Step four - match that up against your joint income, work out how much 'free' money you have left between you.
Step five - split the 'free money' half and half and then discuss and agree how you will each use that money. e.g. You will have to use a portion of that money to pay off your debt. He might like to use a portion of his money to put into savings (and maybe these should be similar amounts). The rest (a small amount) is for you each to spend as you will on nights out, presents for family, luxury items etc.

This way, your mortgage will be paid (by you) and protected for you, you will each be paying equally to your bills, you will be reducing your debt, and he will be building a savings account, and you will both have a similar amount of money to pay for luxuries / non-essentials.