How many women leave after DH cheats?

[Heartbroken1979]

Just wondering what percentage of women stay and work on their marriage after their DH has an emotional affair or after a physical affair.

I have some suspicions about my DH but if I confront him and if he has actually been having an affair, how likely is it that our relationship is over? I think I would be willing to reconcile because I still love him regardless.

To be blunt, if you think your DH is having an affair, it is completely irrelevant what other women have done, it will affect you in a way that is personal to you and you need to work it out

Just reading your other thread. You are thinking way too far ahead currently. What has sparked this tonight? Obviously you have some concerns but would made you post this and the other post tonight specifically. As something happened today?

If you read/listen to Esthel Perell - in her experience most relationships do not end when affairs are discovered.
It doesn’t seem like you have actual evidence. So - not sure what you will gain by confronting him now.
He’ll just deny and hide better.
Or he’ll be offended - if he is, in fact, isn’t having the affair.

If you confront him with evidence at some point - a few outcomes are still possible. He may just leave; or he may stay but keep the affair going; or he may be remorseful and your marriage can be re-booted.
I presume you’d like the last outcome. But realise that there are risks. And you might bring forward the end.

Given that you seem to imply that you don’t want to leave him despite thinking he is having an affair - why make it hard on all? Just distract yourself a bit more and not draw attention to the affair?

I think it really depends on the person and the relationship. My partner had what I suppose you'd call an emotional affair - though at the time I thought it could have been physical. I only spoke to him about it recently - it wasn't physical, though he'd wanted it to be. I found myself surprisingly chilled out about it at the time when i saw the messages, and still am. But I am learning a lot about myself and my views on monogamy these days.

I think it's entirely up to you how you react to it, and where your lines of betrayal are. For me...provided i'm the primary person in his life, and he is not abandoning me emotionally or physically, i've realised I'm ok with that. But that really isn't for everyone. You have to decide how you feel about continuing with the relationship. I think it also depends why your OH is having the affair, if he is, as to how he feels about your relationship going forwards.

I think I would be willing to reconcile because I still love him regardless

If you feel that way don’t tell him or show him. It is giving him the green light to continue or do it again with someone else.

I don't know. I know that my friend is with a serial cheater and she's so incredibly sad but can't seem to end things with him.

I personally could not live with the sheer hurt and jealousy so would cut loose. She seems to be unable to though. People are different.

Too many in my opinion. Personally I find it such a trivial thing to break up a family over.

A trivial thing??? My goodness, breaking marriage vows, lying and dishonesty - not to mention being a bad role model for any children - is a MASSiVE thing. This made me so sad to read; no wonder so many women have low self esteem in relationships 😢.

the trivial thing is the amount of self esteem women have to go back time after time after time valuing themselves less than some casual fuck

imo

in fact OP, reading your post makes me think of the way my friend thinks.
She's not outraged that her husband has betrayed her multiple times but just desperate for the relationship to somehow "recover" and for him to want her and her alone.

She's more taken with that than with the anger many people would feel. She tries to work out ways to make him jealous....and he's just not.

It's very sad.

A lot I reckon. They don't want to be without a man, don't care about the cheating so turn a blind eye, children, lifestyle etc.

I don't understand how anyone can say with any man/woman after such betrayal. I guess each circumstance is different. One night stand, a kiss. But for me it's the lies, the lies that were told during the affair. The fact you could never ever really trust that person again.

I've known many people try and work through it. I've also seen them separate months/years later as the person cheated again or the person just became so worn down with the mistrust. That it ended.

Not enough in my opinion! I didn’t initially but eventually kicked him out 5 years later. Once the trust has gone, it’s gone. By forgiving an affair you are basically giving someone the green light to do it again and in most cases they will. I don’t buy all this ‘he had an affair years ago but we’re stronger than ever’ bullshit. Anyone who believes that is deluded! If a relationship has got to the stage where one partner is unhappy enough to cheat then it’s over.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss agree with you there. Those I've known that have put up with Multiple affairs as they don't want to lose him to another woman or they don't want to lose the lifestyle.

A certain percentage of cheaters are abusive and/or incredibly self absorbed.

How many women put up with it simply to avoid custody and finances battles until the children are safely through school?

Fucking heaps, I'd wager.

You don't really know a man until you divorce him.

It's not really to do with self esteem. But don't get breaking up a family unit. But surely a woman's self esteem is not based on whether her husband has an affair. I would find THAT really sad if it is. A woman's self esteem should be based on her own achievements in life.

@starzig It has plenty to do with self esteem! It makes me sad to hear about women who think so little of themselves that they put up with being cheated on and cling on in the hope that their husbands have chosen to stay. All of the guys I know who have stayed after affairs only do so because they don’t want to lose their houses or access to their kids. Staying with someone knowing that they don’t love you and are only staying because it’s the cheaper option must be soul destroying!

@starzig I think a lot is based on it all. I personally wouldn't be keeping a family together for the sake of it. I wouldn't want to teach my children that it's ok to tolerate this type of behaviour and that they are worth more.

Some women, really don't want to lose the man to another woman. Don't see their worth and that it's not acceptable.

100% this @McTits

And to add men don't often come clean about an affair. It's when they are found out and then suddenly they dont want to lose everything.