We've split up, still love together & I want to meet someone

[chickennoodledoodle]

I'd really appreciate any advice.

Me & my OH have lived as brother/sister for over 5 yrs now. Our DS is 8. We've continued sharing the house because we want to stay there for our son & financially we are in a bad place. He can't afford to rent, atm.

He's in the spare room atm with the intention of moving into the garage within the year. He wants this, I this. It just needs work to make it liveable.

Our son is nine the wiser, nothing has changed for him except that 8 months ago me & my ex 'officially' decided to call it quits.

Me & my ex actually get on really well. Yes we wind each other up & sometimes he's annoying but we really get on well as friends.

How do we tell our son we have split up but will continue to share the house. I guess I just need the Words to use. I just can't wrap my head around how to break it to him without breaking his heart

It's important to us that we cause as least upset to him as possible.

Anyone for any words of wisdom? Please?

Thanks again for the advice.

Me and my ex think there is absolutely nothing wrong with him living in a converted garage. He's keen and so am I. In time, he will probably move on from the garage. You all make it sound terrible.. it will not look like a garage once we've finished with it ;)

In fact - at this time - neither of us want to sell the house until our son has completed his education. This may well change but we both see the value in keeping our only asset 'in the family' so to speak. Adding value by converting the garage into a flat will only benefit all of us in the long term.

I guess everyone's experiences of separation & what's 'normal' will vary. We are both open minded & as MrMagoo said, we don't care what is 'socially' acceptable. If it works for us - and it is at the moment - then that's all that matters.

I've been amazed at the black & white views people have about cohabiting I must say. The CAB will tell you that more and more people are having to live like this and that is a fact. I know because two people st that organisation have told me.

I do take your point about dating and how some will find my situation too much. I accept that. I'm going to meet a guy next week & have been upfront from the get go. He seems fine with it but maybe that'll change. I'm a big enough and old enough to deal with whatever happens.

At this point I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Anyway, serious relationships develop after spending some time with someone. I simply want to (try!) meet someone I enjoy spending time with & going out. We'll have to deal with the icebergs as and when they arrive.

As for my OH dating? I'd do all I can to facilitate him moving on, it's what grown ups do right? I want him to be happy and he wants me to be happy. End of.

Thank you for helping me find the words to tell my ds what is going on. Keeping it simple; mum and dad don't want to be girlfriend/boyfriend anymore, seems like a good starting point.

MrMagoo. I, like you, will not be constrained by what society thinks we should be doing or how it thinks we should behave. Life is far more complex and relationships even more complicated. You need to do what you need to do for YOUR own situation, if it works - however 'unconventional' it sounds, then that's just fine.

I really do appreciate EVERYONES thoughts and advice.

Better to have two smaller places than him living in the garage regardless of how nice you convert it. Why does he get the garage? Why not you? I suspect he likely does want to sell the house rather than live in a garage.

Dating wouldn't be even on my mind if my child didn't know I had split from their dad. Mum an dad live together but have bf/gfs, is that really the model you want him to have of relationships ?

Op I'm coming in with a non judgemental question here..
Im sorry if this is inappropriate but how do you not want to still jump on him if you are living together? If me and DP argue all we can think about is riping eachothers clothes off. I know you're not arguing and you are fully broken up but do you not ever get the urge?

EmptySpace . What is that 'urge' you talk about? There's not been any urges of that nature for a few years now

We fell out of love I'm afraid.

In answer to the question before yours; I have no intention of introducing anyone to my son for the foreseeable future, by which time he will be fully aware of his parents relationship status.

Going out on a date does lead to inviting him back to my place or to meet my son

@chickennoodledoodle I say just go for it as you know.

You're obviously not jumping into this obliviously but I think you do also need to be aware about situations that may arise that you've not thought about.

I wish you luck.

I think the idea of the garage is very risky, how much money will it take to complete it?

For all you know, either you or your ex could go out somewhere tomorrow and meet the love of your life and before you know it there's a new baby on the way or no baby but it has moved way faster than you imagined and they're perfect for you or him in every way and you are ready to move in a year and can't take not living with them anymore! It has happened, when people have completely ruled that out, Bam just get struck by love and can't bear to be apart from them!

You are seriously restricting your future with this plan!

Can he rent a share with a couple of other blokes?

It won't take a lot of money to convert User, as it's already part there. It was always one of our plans when we were together, to convert it & rent it out.

As for the whole 'insta love' thing. Yeah, I guess that could happen. But you know what? And I've said this previously, we both want each other to be happy, we've been together over 20 yrs & gone through & had to navigate some incredibly difficult events in our lives.

I feel confident that we can navigate through anything. Not saying it's going to be easy but when two people want to do right by each other, then you can always find a way.

Sorry, no helpful advice but my friends parents did this in the 80s. By the time I knew her, they were well split and there was no sense of anger or regret in their relationship. It was clear the mum found some things about him annoying (she was my mum's friend) but they got on well for their daughters sake. He didn't come into the main home unless looking after her for a prolonged period and my friend had her own toys in his space. My parents had an acrimonious split and my dad moved an hour away by bus, so I was very jealous that she could just see either parent as she wanted. Personally it's always felt like a good option, but I lost touch with her by mid teens so no idea how adult her views it.