Struggling with divorce-feel confused

[Strugglingwithdivorce]

I’m hoping people can help me get my head clear.

I’m about to go through a divorce but I’m confused about how I feel. I still love my husband but we’ve been trying for 18 months to repair our marriage after his affair and we don’t seem able to.

Some days I feel strong about going forward with divorce but other times I’m a mess and don’t want my family to split up.

Should I be feeling 100% that a divorce is what I want or is it normal to have doubts?

So far we’ve met our lawyers separately and will go down tne collaborative route and I totally trust my lawyer to get me the best deal. Luckily financially we are in a good position so I don’t have money worries but I feel the guilt of the kids moving to a smaller house, the guilt of the family unit breaking up.
But as i said I still love my husband and I can’t imagine a life without growing old with him. He feels the same. But sometimes we make each other miserable as I’m haunted by the affair and can’t seem to get over it.

Anyone else been in a similar position?

Have you tried all the therapy routes?
Sounds like both of you haven’t given up on each other. Maybe intensive couples counselling can still help?

You can’t imagine a life without growing old with him.

I agree with MMmomDD.....counseling until you have your answer.

For me, I made the decision to divorce because I could not imagine a life with growing old with him. Counseling helped me to this realization.

We’ve been in and out of therapy ever since he confessed to the affair.
The first joint counsellor said something to upset me and I couldn’t trust her again, the second one we both found a bit meh and agreed to stop, the third one dh didn’t particularly like the techniques although I did (it was imago therapy). Dh is now saying that therapy doesn’t work for him as he doesn’t like to answer questions on the spot and prefers to think about things. Whereas for me an intensive course would probably work.

I’ve also had individual counselling but found it of limited use. She was great at helping me get my self worth back but it didn’t seem to help with making any decisions about what I want.