Lost sight of what is reasonable...

[Bubblebrush]

Three months ago DH announced he was leaving. And left the next day into a flat in the next town to us (50 mins drive). It must have been planned for ages. I was horribly shocked. We have a 6yo and a 2yo.

The first month was full of horrific conversations whereby he explained how he hates me, our lives, various traits of our children etc. It has been absolutely awful.

I have since found there is (inevitably) another woman. Well, at least one. Probably more. The main one is 18 years younger than we are. He is splashing the cash around in his new single life.

The issue I am posting about is contact with the children. He doesn't want any access in the week (too restrictive). He wants every other weekend BUT wants one child one weekend and the other the other weekend. He wants to pick up a child at 10am in the Saturday and bring them back 3pm on the Sunday. If they have a birthday party or other commitment, I am to switch weeks so he doesn't have to do anything like that.

Very limited contact therefore. And I never get a break basically. (We have no relatives to help out etc). I do all the hard bits.

Would you just go with this - on the basis that any contact with their father is better for the kids than none? The 6yo misses his Dad SO much. He is a happy child but at the age of asking difficult questions and struggling to understand his new world.

I feel at my wits end - arguing with him that he should see them more and together. He just sneers and mocks me.

To add to the mix he pays more than the minimum in child maintenance and I need the extra to stay living where we are. Every argument ends with him saying he'll reduce the payment if I keep banging on...

What would you do??

I don’t know tbh. In a way it would have been easier if he had walked away altogether (which he has done for periods over the years) although the children did still want to see him. He couldn’t cope with them together.

Even if he sees them for a shorter amount of time , eg just a couple of tea dates and no sleep overs, or just one sleep over eow.

Did you visit many solicitors? I’d go with a new one, who supports what you want. It’s not in the DC best interest to be split up. And it’s not fair on you to never get a break - you need to be able to recharge as you’ll have all responsibility for DC.

I wouldn’t suggest Fri through to Sun to start with though - seems like he’d find that tough and could be unfair on your DC as he’s not exactly the loving dad. Sat afternoon to Sun afternoon (eow) would be easier on DC.

I’m sorry you’re going through this - be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve for the man you thought you’d married and the future you thought you’d have. It’s really hard when someone betrays you like this.

I think you need a better solicitor OP

WWID? I would tell him to fuck right off, lay down the law with him. Say it’s both together every other weekend or nothing and then keep repeating. It’s in the children’s best interests to see him together and the court will see it this way too. I would also change solicitor ASAP. He sounds very controlling and I think you’ve had a lucky escape from this nasty cheating bastard.