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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me help myself!

5 replies

TheOpeningActofSpring · 01/06/2019 20:06

I’m not sure whether relationships is the right section but not sure where else to put it.

I am having a unhealthy relationships with food and drink. I comfort eat when I am sad or bored, and I am sad and bored a lot. I drink a bottle of wine or prosecco about three times a week on my own when I’m at home. It makes me fat and sluggish, but I don’t seem to be able to stop.

My ex H left me in December 2016, the very much unwanted divorce came through in December 2018. I don’t think I’m completely over it yet and I feel rather pathetic about this. Thing is, I have a great job and few but very good friends, all couples though with their own families. My own family have distanced themselves from me as they don’t believe in divorce and judge me for it - it wasn’t my idea, my husband cheated and then left. I’m financially ok, own my house, but there is an emptiness I cannot shake.

Despite seeing friends every now and again I feel alone a lot, and then I eat, sitting on the sofa watching Netflix. I don’t binge but just too much of rich savoury food. Im a good cook and actually know how to cook healthily but choose to cook with cream, cheese etc. I’m over 14 stone and a large size 16 at a height of 5.7. I feel disgusting. How can anyone ever love me when I am like this.

I push myself to do my hobbies, go to the occasional Meetup activity, go on group holidays/trips. I have just started therapy as I also had a miscarriage (in quite dramatic circumstances) at the time my ex left (his child) and I keep having bad dreams about it all.

What can I do to break the cycle? I am aware of what’s going on, still I can’t seem to make the changes. Has anyone manages to stop overeating? Any advice would be much appreciated. I can’t carry on like this!

Sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
TurboTeddy · 01/06/2019 20:21

Hi OP have you looked into Overeaters Anonymous.

www.oagb.org.uk/

I have a friend who found the support there very helpful. It might be worth a look and a visit to a meeting to see if it's likely to be any use to you.

TheOpeningActofSpring · 01/06/2019 20:39

Thank you - I didn’t know they existed. I’ll look into it.

OP posts:
ConfCall · 01/06/2019 23:00

A friend of mine is having cognitive behavioural therapy for overeating and it’s going well so far. Her GP recommended it.

TheOpeningActofSpring · 02/06/2019 08:14

Thank you. I will mention it to my therapist. This counselling is for something else and I can’t afford more but maybe there’s a way. I hate myself for letting myself go like this Sad

There don’t seem to be no OA meetings in my area.

OP posts:
Rabbiting0n · 02/06/2019 11:38

Can you afford to join a decent gym? Places like Nuffield offer a free nutritionist appointment, and the gym instructors can keep you motivated. I've always found that my desire to eat "badly" goes away when I've had a workout because eating like that "undoes" my hard work. Having access to a nutritionist of gym instructor also helps to keep you on track, so if you slip up, they can re-motivate you.

I have a friend who was overweight. She got into CrossFit, which has helped with her figure, but also with her mood and MH, because it's very sociable and she's made loads of new friends there etc. She's completely changed her whole outlook on life, food included.

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