How do i leave my DH?

[BunsOfAnarchy]

Where do i start.
Weve been together coming up to 12 years. Married 4. Have a 1 year old DD.
I love him but im definitely not in love any more. Hes a brilliant dad. We have a great partnership but there is just nothing there.
I suffer from PND, something i denied having for a while until it became too much once i went back to work.
I told DH about my PND about 2 weeks ago and arguments ensued, he accused me of cheating (im not) and then went ballistic because it took me months to tell him.
My issue is i cant open up about my mental health because he is just not an emotionally supportive person. Years ago i was self harming, when he found out he just said he wanted me to get better and pretty much just waited for me to sort myself out and stop of my own accord. He never emotionally helped. Just like now.

I just cant stop imagining a future without him. Im happy when my DD is up and playing. The moment she goes to bed i just feel alone and he never asks if im okay or if i want him to come to any appointments related to my PND. Its like it doesnt exist.

He is an incredible father to my DD. When we were arguing he, in a fit of rage, said he would fight all the way and wont let me have her. His words, to a woman who already suffers heavily from PND.

I just dont know what to say or do. All i want is to separate. I love him. But only as her father. He no longer feels like a husband and i honestly cant see myself with him in the future.
I feel like if i tell him this all over again he will argue then turn into a prick and shut me off emotionally and just do everything he can to keep me away from my DD.

What on earth do i do?

He is an incredible father to my DD. When we were arguing he, in a fit of rage, said he would fight all the way and wont let me have her.

OK

a) in what way is he an incredible father?

b) does he already have her 100% of the time, ie SAHD?

Incredible as in hes taken a paycut so he has time in the daytime to spend 3 hours with her, playing, feeding her, taking her out etc, before i get back from work and then he goes back out again.
He has about 5 hours sleep at night, will still go to her if she cries in the middle of the night even though he has to be up at 4am.
I would say he is incredible in comparison to a lot of guys i know. But it is his job so he has to be as present in her life as i am.
I feel like this guy was born to be a dad. And now that he is, nothing else exists. Which is fine, except its a littlw shitty for me.
Ive missed a relationship with him for so long, im now at the point where i dont want to be romantically involved with him. I dont even like the thought of hugging or kissing him.

I know what he said in a rage was mainly anger. But it cut deep. I already have intense paranoia over losing her at times, ive lost sleep over wondering how unfit a mother i am at times. I do my best but i cant stop thinking that my mental health will ruin it all.

No hes not a SAHD. He works 5am-6pm with a 3 hour break in between since he took a huge paycut

Bump

Have you sought help for your PND OP?
I’d try and tackle one thing at a time, PND first then whether you are happy in your relationship.
How you feel towards your husband might be exacerbated by how you feeling in general.

I think treating the PND first is important. It's hard when you're struggling mentally to know how you feel. I get what you mean though about the no emotional support. My DH is like that. He has absolutely no time for mental health issues and as someone with anxiety that just makes things so much harder for me. I know I can't trust him to be there for me.

I am getting some help for the PND. My issue is im having these moments of clarity that have made me realise he will NEVER be there for me if i ever struggle mentally. Hes never been there before and even now he isnt.

My attitude has always been one of the 'ill just sort myself out, dont worry'. He expects exactly that too. But it shouldnt be.
I look at my DD and think how id never let that happen to her. Id want to help her through it. Expect her partner to do the same. Not just expect her to deal with it alone and 'be there' once shes sorted.

Im at the point where im happier without him present. I hate being in his presence now, i just want to be free of him.

I definitely think you need to work through your PND first so you have enough in the tank to manage a separation moving forwards.

He is an incredible father to my DD.

No, he's not and cannot possibly be...

When we were arguing he, in a fit of rage, said he would fight all the way and wont let me have her. His words, to a woman who already suffers heavily from PND.

...because he's abusive and controlling of her mother.

Being brutal but he's doing what he should be doing with regards to childcare. Life changes after having a child. If a woman was cutting back on work commitments, being at home more etc. Probably no one would remark upon it. Him being abusive and unsupportive is not acceptable. Especially the threats!!! If you aren't happy you don't need to justify ending the relationship

...because he's abusive and controlling of her mother

Oh my. I have never ever seen it like this before. But you're right. The signs are there. His fits of rage and his anger have been a huge problem. When he's had a drink, he is diabolical.
I think i seriously need to get away from him. Since revealing my PND, be hasnt even asked if im okay, or even hugged me or asked me how im feeling.