How do you stop repeating self-sabotaging patterns?

[LostinSpice]

Just that really. Any tips or advice for a late 30s recently had yet another relationship end? How to stop repeatedly picking the wrong partner. Feel like I put everything into relationships and am left with nothing when they inevitably end. Despite men starting off wanting to commit, it never materialises. I really want a family but just doesn’t seem it is possible for me and there isn’t a huge amount of time left. Maybe be too late.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents, what did yours teach you?.

Why are you over investing in relationships, the root causes of that likely goes back a long way and perhaps to your childhood too. These and other issues could be discussed with a counsellor. You're going to have to unpick and unlearn all the rubbish you have learnt about relationships to date.

The website Baggage reclaim is good and you may want to read this article too:-

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/begin-end-mind/

Thank you for the article. It is helpful. I think the over investing is driven by thinking the more you give the more you will be needed maybe. Rather than thinking what do I need.

I can't offer any 'how-to' type advice, although I can say - I was you 20-odd years ago. Had a number of relationships where the guy was full of promises, and then nothing happened and he cheated. I decide to stay off relationships and got some counselling. I found I loved being single, not answering to anyone, making my own decisions. Then out of the blue I met someone through a mutual friend and we clicked. Been together nearly 20 years, 2 dc, 18 and 15. I met him when I was 39.
Seeriously - take a break from men, and just enjoy being you.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know you are right. I can’t believe how long it’s taken me to see this.