Here we go again

[threestripes]

DH has been unfaithful to me in the past - he has hooked up with girls while on overseas work trips and has continued chatting to them on Whatsapp when he got home. This was last year, I thought we were trying to work through our issues (mainly his dissatisfaction with our sex life). He's recently returned from another trip and I saw on Whatsapp that he had been talking to another girl. He admitted being in contact with her but said that's it. Yesterday I found some antibiotics in his bedside table that were clearly dispensed in the country he visits - but they are in a plastic bag, not in a box with a name label on. I googled them and they are used to treat, among other things, herpes and chlamydia. They are half taken. I can prove they are his, they could belong to other colleagues who also travel with him...but why would he have them if he wasn't taking them, or thought he might need to take them?

*can't prove they are his

Sounds like he has been sleeping around again and caught something. If they were a colleagues, why would he have them in his bedside table? I don't go around giving my meds to other people!
Walk away.

Oh dear.
Of course the meds are his.
He has been having sex with other people.
Sorry op.

The fact that you're even asking is worrying.

He has regularly cheated on you overseas.

He keeps in contact with the girls he cheats on you with.

He has just come back from another overseas trip, is in contact with a new girl ... and has newly prescribed pills for common STDs in his possession.

Get rid of him before he gives you something you'll have to live with forever! And get yourself checked out ASAP!

I've been to the GP to get tested, I get the results next week. But that was before I found the antibiotics. To be fair, google says they are used to treat a range of infections, but DH would normally tell me if he got sick, injured etc overseas, and as far as I am aware he's never had to see a doctor while he's been in another country. He must know that I've seen them because I didn't put them back in the exact spot that they were in the drawer, he's since moved them back to that location. I will have to have a talk to him when the DC are asleep. I really hoped that we had worked through our problems from last year and were pretty good again. Now I feel like a fool for thinking be could change.

To clarify, I went to the GP when he admitted that he'd been in contact with the girl overseas. But it was to be absolutely sure I was ok, I didn't actually think he'd been with her.

Of course he's cheating on you.

You do realise that if it is herpes then he will never be cured and there is a risk, albeit small, that he will pass it to you when he doesn't have an outbreak? Maybe that will get you angry! Why aren't you angry? He's a regular cheat who seems quite happy to risk your sexual health and give you stds with long term consequences. And instead of righteous anger, you are clinging to a bizarre irrational, illogical idea they might be a friend's.

Have you had sex since he came back? If yes he's a complete bastard! If not, how long do you think he'll restrain himself before he does risk your health? How many times has he risked your health before, but you didn't find out?

Are there children? Is that why you are so reluctant to accept the reality that your husband is a bastard?

I just googled one of the tablets again and it's definitely for treating herpes - the other one was for a range of infections including chlamydia and gonorrhoea. Yes we have had sex since he got home, and I've given him oral sex several times. Neither of us has ever had herpes so he could only be taking them if he's concerned that he's been exposed to herpes. What we've been through in the past year has made me anxious and depressed, I don't ever trust that DH is where he says he is. The suspicion, checking for clues, wanting to believe we'll be ok...it's all worn me down. I think that's why I am not angry. I should be, but all I feel is numb. Yes, we have 3 DC, and a separation would crush them.

@threestripes
It’s an awful situation. I’m sorry.
You can’t carry on like this, you need to take legal advice on your financial situation in case of separation and don’t sleep with him. Hugs

So sorry to hear this OP. You need to leave this vile person. He doesnt care.

Staying with a cheater and modelling that men cheat and women put up with it stoically to your 3 children, even when it endangers their physical and mental health, will be more damaging to their future relationships than leaving will be.

I asked him about the tablets. He says they are from the time he cheated last year, so that he wouldn't bring anything back with him. He says that he hasn't physically cheated since then, he's only talked to girls. I don't believe him. I've told him to sleep in another room tonight, he was very surprised.

Why on earth!?!

He doesn't respect you, your marriage or the family you have together.
Get rid OP and have my first ever LTB

You deserve better threestripes

The DC would be more crushed if they lost their mother to AIDS, Syphilis or Hepatitis C induced Liver Cancer.

Dump, dump, dump.

I dislike disinformation about HIV, it won't kill, AIDS will.

If the virus is detected in time nowadays the drugs available to prevent it turning into the AIDS disease would mean a virtually normal lifespan.

Anyway, I digress...

You’ve always forgiven him, so he knows he can keep getting away with his infidelities.

The only way to feel better and teach him a lesson is to divorce him.

Why are you still with him? He's treating you like a mug!

If the antibiotics are from last year, why are they only half finished? A course of antibiotics should always be finished. Also - 2 different types of pill? Was he actually diagnosed or taking them “just in case”?

Just to mention something else...STIs can have window periods where they won’t show up on a test for a while after they are caught. A quick google gives chlamydia at 2 weeks.

So sorry you’re having to deal with this OP, whatever the truth is - it’s shit! Perhaps tell him you want to go with him while he gets tested - and be there for the results. It will put your mind at rest on if he’s caught anything at least.

OP! Hes shown you his true colours so many times now...! What will it take for you to see that he is who he is?

You've forgiven so much for so long that he quite obviously no longer worries too much about covering his tracks, even. The lie about the medication is insultingly bad. He doesn't even care to come up with viable excuses for his actions anymore.

Can you not perhaps end this charade? Surely you want a loving relationship with a trustworthy person? You're living a half life with this guy.

"A separation would crush them" whereas you end up with some horrendous disease or worse that will be ok will it?
They'll get over it, don't use your kids as an excuse to put up with this kind of behaviour.
It made my skin crawl reading your post.
I'm so sorry you are going through this but boot his scuzzy arse out.

Where was he last year? Same place as they came from?

Not that it really matters, you already know he is contacting other women again.

"only talked to girls" is still not ok OP.