How would you react to this?

[Fonduefrolics]

My child has calmly told me they want to live with their other parent. That they love me and that’ll never change but they’d prefer to live with dad.

He works nights. Is in debt. Hasn’t paid me a penny in maintenance for months. Smokes weed but has promised (after knowing children’s services might do an assessment that he won’t do it when child is there).

He’s just bought two puppies. One for him, one for child. Wanted child (primary school age) to stay overnight to look after pets when he was at work. I said no, I now look like the bad parent.

How old is your child? I know you say primary, but that's a big age range. What reasons have they given for wanting to live with their dad? Is it purely because of the puppies? Can your child not see that they can't stay alone in a house at night?

About to go into high school.

First time this has ever been mentioned. Child used to sleep over 3 nights but this has stopped recently due to new working hours. They could be missing the other parent. It just feels like a kick in the teeth. He left the family unit as he was going to pursue a relationship with a female friend of ours. I’ve been working full time and looking after two kids since then.

What? He wants to leave a 10 year old at home alone overnight? To look after some pets?

Is there more to this? Would there be anyone else at home?

Sorry, not much surprises me anymore, but this did!

Nope getting there quickly. He thinks it’s accceptable to leave a child alone overnight to look after pets. I’ve said no to that plan. When I said he said his mate could go over too. I suggested his mate just look after the puppies instead!

Sounds puppy related.

And maybe child gets away with a lot more there too.

Your ex sounds like an utter test. Did you warn him about the assessment or ...
Why not just let the chips fall where they may with him - if he loses his access/visits at his home cause he's a stoner, is a hat a bad thing. You wouldn't be dealing with situations like this.

*twat

Though he is testing too.

Personally I don't think fathers who don't pay for their kids should get to see them; but that's a whole other debate.

I would think he's probably being influenced and I wouldn't pay too much attention to it for the time being. It's obviously not a realistic possibility at all. I would document ex's behaviour in case it went to court though highly doubtful that he could be arsed with that.

Is your ex encouraging all of this? Im sure your DC just likes the idea of looking after pets and living with fewer boundaries. I’m sure they’d soon get fed up of their Dads lack of presence. Doesn’t sound dissimilar to children wanting to go to their grandparents because they get to eat more sweet things!

Re court. I’ve already spoken to a lawyer who didn’t fill me with hope that a court will listen to any concerns. The lawyer said unless the children were at risk I couldn’t stop contact. Children’s services had some mild concerns but he assured me he’d change a few things and they’d only do an assessment if they got another call. I was forced (strongly urged) to call them by WA

I don’t think social services would allow an 11 year old to live with a weed smoker (of course he won’t quit!) who plans to leave them alone overnight. Thinking about it sensibly, for most people, the age for leaving a neurotypical DC overnight would be 15 as an absolute minimum, with many saying 16.

Perhaps suggest revisiting this at age 15/16, rather than putting your foot down entirely. Play the long game. Hopefully, this nonsense would have passed by then. And the pups will be less cute.

I don’t think you should worry. This ridiculous idea doesn’t have legs.

He’s going to senior school this September, he’s old enough to be told that his Dad isn’t responsible enough to look after him properly, so no, he won’t be going to live there. That you might be the one nagging about bedtime, vegetables & homework and Dad might be ‘fun puppy Dad’, but that’s because you’re the one who looks after him like a parent should.

It’s fucking weird saying he’d get his friend to come over for the night too. That would freak me out. The friend doesn’t need an 11 year old boy to be there so he can look after the puppies.

If Ex would ever be tested for cannabinoids, merely not smoking in front of kids isn’t going to work. A. Can still smell it all over house and clothes (I am imagining), and B. That stuff sticks around in your system for weeks, he’d fail any random drug test.

Children’s services weren’t bothered. As long as he didn’t do it in the company of his child.

I can’t afford the lawyer I spoke to. I’m working poor unfortunately so I just have to suck it up basically when it comes to the pot smoking

The puppy was clearly a ploy. I would say absolutely No to this. Tell your DC it is illegal to leave a young child alone overnight, so he couldn’t go and live there.

So is your ex living with the OW now? It sounds as though he lives alone, so basically your 10/11 year old son would be living alone too, as his dad would be at work every night.

I would say absolutely not to your son, that it's completely out of the question. He's far too young to be left alone at night (never mind anything else.)

I’ve a DD (sorry was trying to be pretty vague). It didn’t work out with the other OW and he lives alone.

I bet the first thing ex would do is look for maintenance. He sounds awful OP, I am so sorry you have to deal with this shitkicker.