I am seriously considering divorce but before I do, I just need to check my thinking and check I’m not overreacting.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, we have two kids 8 and 10. To the outside world I’m pretty sure our marriage looks perfect but it really doesn’t feel it inside here.
Name changed for this, because it's outing. Sorry it's long, please bear with me.
Around the time I was doing my undergrad degree part time with OU (I was working full time too and so was he), he started to get very angry with me about studying and in his words ‘not concentrating on me and the kids’. We would argue about housework because he was doing most of it but angry that he should have to do it. He also pulled his weight with looking after the kids but he never let me forget it and often threw it at me in arguments that he was ‘the babysitter’.
I finished the degree and he ruined my graduation. On the day, he yelled at me and told me I thought I was so much more important than everyone else because I had a degree. He told me no one liked me and all my friends were fake. He told me he was the only one who stood by me and he was fuming that I had invited my family to my graduation because he said they didn’t support me like he did.
I was still working full time in management when I started a doctorate and for those years he never once let up about how I was a bad mum and bad wife for not doing enough housework and childcare. In truth, I was balancing a senior role, a doctorate, two kids, him and a bunch of other stuff. He tells everyone I’m never at home but I looked through my calendar for the year and on average I was away from home 6 days a month, the rest was working from home and I actually had the kids and all school runs myself.
As the doctorate progressed and my salary went up and I got promoted a few times, he got angry with me about money. He was angry I earned more than him. He was angry I was paying for holidays for us all. He was angry that I had savings. Every week almost he told me that he didn’t care I was doing a doctorate and he didn’t care about my job and I should be at home being a better mother and wife. He says he feels lonely and isolated.
(His life is actually nothing like that. He works part time in a high paid job and the rest of his time he spends in the gym, in a spa or with his mates whilst I work 60 hour weeks.)
When I finished the doctorate he was happy on the surface but I knew it was fake. Within a couple of days he was saying that I thought I was something special because I had a PhD. He says I’m selfish and self obsessed. Bad mum. Bad wife.
Which brings me to recently. I don’t know what has caused this but he seemed to have gone full MRA on me in the last few months and I just don’t even recognise him. I’m feminist and get involved in lots of campaigning and he has known this for years but always been a bit dismissive.
In the last few weeks he has said:
He thinks only sexy women in short skirts get raped so women and teen girls should cover their bodies
He thinks most women lie about being raped for revenge or attention
He thinks Shamima Begum should be killed or left to die for what she had ‘done’
He thinks women and girls are the biggest offenders of abuse and risks but no one discloses
He thinks men and boys are abused at the same rate as women and girls but men and boys just don’t report it
He tells me he hates my feminism and that I’m obsessed with women’s rights
He ummmd and ahhd over the god-damn abortion ban
He has recently told me he thinks gay lesbian and bi people are wrong and it shouldn’t be allowed and a man should always be with a woman (I’m bisexual and this has really rocked me to be with a homophobe all of a sudden)
He is angry that I earn more money than him and have more influence
He is angry that I work so much because he says I should be home more and do much more housework
He says that none of my friends care about me and no one knows the ‘real’ me and if they did they would all hate me anyway
He says me being bi disgusts him and makes him feel sick
He says feminism turned me bi 
He is angry that I saved up our large mortgage deposit and says he could have done it on his own
He says men are discriminated against in society
He says women make up DV to get revenge on dads of their kids
All of these things. They point to MRA-type misogyny. These views, I have to deal with this shit all damn day at work. This is the type of horrible shit I am sent by trolls and MRAs and I don’t think I can live with him whilst he’s spouting this nonsense.
I've tried to educate him but he says he doesn’t believe my stats or research or global oppression and that ‘he’s entitled to his opinion’.
I want to leave. But am I overreacting? Is this a good enough reason for divorce? I’ve tried for months to get him to see how harmful he is being but as a woman, as a rape victim myself and as a bi woman with loads of bi and gay and lesbian friends - he’s just looking more and more ugly to me the more he speaks.
Help!