Friendships

[feathermucker]

I find friendships quite difficult sometimes due to my anxiety. I can be quite intense on occasions, nothing serious but probably too much for some people.

I have one friend who I was quite intense with and she's backed off a bit now, still good mates but I just find that on the group chats and stuff, she doesn't reply as quick as she has in the past.

I know I'm 'in the wrong' here but I could really do with some help to rationalise this in my head and put in place some strategies.

Talking to her about it is not an option as it would not go down well due to her being under a lot of pressure.

Please be kind, I know it sounds mad.

My DD does this, she lovely and funny kind generous but jumps in way too quickly and way too intense - it does destroy friendships

Keep things light - hi you up for coffee next week? Then get on with your day - show you’ve got the message

Thank you green

I'm very kind hearted and giving, but not great at social interaction boundaries and tend to seek approval and reassurance. I've made progress but it's an ongoing battle.

Makes me sound weird I know!

I just crave the same interaction I see between other friends but maybe that's easier for them because there's no pressure involved.

I’ve got a friend like you. My advice is to trust the friendship and remind yourself that all friendships ebb and flow - good friendship is about the years, not the days or hours.

I empathise too as I struggle with boundaries which I’ve started another thread about. With regard to intensity, in an odd way it was having a friend even more intense than me that helped me regulate other friendships better because I suddenly understood how it feels to be on the other side.

I had a friend like that. She did it a lot with female friends.
She eventually realised/accepted/came to terms with the fact she was gay.

Definitely not gay.

Thank you Penelope, it is accepting the ebbs and flows of friendship. I tend to try harder when someone is slightly distant, which just exacerbates everything even further. I am making progress in some ways but I definitely don't deal well with people being a bit 'off' with me.

It’s worth reading about adult attachment theory op. You sound anxiously attached. The book Attached by Amir Levine is very good

Thank you, I'll try that. I have OCD, which doesn't help with the reassurance seeking.