Yet another Will one

[TheresAWay]

Sorry this is a long one.

DM (in her 80s) is re-writing her will. She asked each of us (her DCs) what our views were but she listens most to what eldest DB says.

DM has decided to skip a generation and leave her estate to GCs. All well and good except that one GC will never be able to live independantly. DM is now tieing herself up in knots trying to leave her estate equally between GCs but not resulting in the GC who will never live independantly potentially losing all their benefits.

Eldest DB's proposal is that the whole of DM's estate gets put into a trust fund for the benefit of the GCs.

I think this is a silly idea. All GCs are young adults. The time when a legacy would be most beneficial is when they are starting out in life not at some unspecified date in the future. IMO the estate should be split between GCs with the share for the GC who will never live independantly going to their DF (other DB).

The daft thing in all of this is that the estate isnt huge (possibly £200k). Neither eldest DB or DM have considered (or want to entertain) the possibility that the bulk of the estate could disappear in care home fees.

The trustees for this fund would be my two DBs and me. We are not close, we are all in our 50s. My understanding is that this trust could go on for decades. We would be responsible for investing the fund.

I am concerned that eldest DB's motivation for pushing this trust fund idea is that he was trustee for another fund and had fun playing with the money. He is a bit of a miser and very conservative in his views. I dont like the idea of any of the GCs having to go cap in hand to the trustees to ask for money from the trust fund and having to justify what they want to spend the money on.

In the end it is up to DM what she does but I feel that her will could potentially leave a right muddle which will be impossible to untangle. Her intention is to do a nice thing but in trying to be equal between her GCs she is potentially going to wind up doing nothing with this trust fund slowly dwindling in value and GCs only really benefiting very much later in life

Eldest DB told me about this in confidence so DM doesnt know I know. Eldest DB is very pleased with the trust idea. He was happily chuntering away about how enjoyable managing the other fund was. None of what he said was about the beneficiaries. Knowing him he will happily show his nephews and nieces how much the trust fund is worth, expect approval for how good the investments have been then tuck it away again.

If you have got this far well done! What do I do? Do I say anything to DM?

I admit I have skipped a few messages here but just wondered about having a separate Trust Fund [of the same amount] for each GC?
Then whatever request for money could be considered separately for each beneficiary?
Just a thought...

redwoodmazza DM (so in reality DB) has decided that a discretionary trust would be the 'best' thing so that there wouldnt be a specific value for any particular GC. It would be up to trustees (so that will be DB again) to decide if funds could be released.

There has been nothing said about what will happen when DBs and I lose physical or mental capacity to continue as trustees. Given that there had been no thought about DM having to spend her money on care fees I dont suppose this has been considered either.

Knowing DM she likes the idea of trying to force DBs and me into having a relationship. To make us play at happy families. There is too much water gone under the bridge for that. Our family dynamic has always been eldest DB as golden child, youngest DB as scapegoat, me as 'the contrary one'.

That's all sad. And there's 0 you can do bar kiss the thought of any £ goodbye.

Most importantly, warn your kids and DNNs about 'dangling' - the practice of offering money and then withdrawing it.

DB the Elder - and DM, I have no doubt - will have no scruples in trying this on with as many innocent young people as they can - and will wait until the DCs are all struggling and desperate for houses and cars they can't get without help.

DB won't help them. He will say he will, but he won't. Such fun.

If they want a trust fund, would it not be better to have individual trust funds for each grandchild - with their parent as trust holder and father of the disabled child as the benefactor for that child?

That leaves eldest DB out of it completely?

Sounds like an odd set up to me

Supersimpkin if this does come to pass then I will strongly advise my DCs to forget about the money. If any gets released then it is windfall. Not to consider that this money might be available for a house deposit or similar. It will never be available when actually needed.

GreenTulips that would be sensible but I think that eldest DB has decided that if he isnt going to inherit then he is going to control.

Talk to your mother, and DB.

Also, why assume that? If there would be other trustees and your mum set out the kinds of things the money could be used for, and invested in (or not) then even with a trust your DB wouldn’t have full control. And your mother may well agree to seek independent advice and decide against a trust.

Thing is, in law trustees have to behave themselves but in practice most people wouldn't call the cops or a solicitor on their nearest and dearest.

When DB blows the lot on a barmy investment, however, you can these days make him pay it back - if you wish to follow route above.

I suspect he's decided that, having been disinherited, he's going to make the most of it by assuming the role of Head of Family and Grand Benefactor VIP.

But he's just going to disinherit his own descendants too. Which is kind of the plan, though no one wants to admit. Don't let the DC get sucked in. He'll try.

Find some articles about trust fund abuse, and say to DM omg have you seen this . The idiot wouldn't give the trust fund out..
Tell her you think you should all get equal amounts as children. Then you can pass it on to the children...

Why not approach it from the angle of poor DB1 won't get anything as he has no children. Wouldn't it be better to leave the money equally to the three children who can then pass it on as they see fit, afterall circumstances may change and the amount may be reduced by care fees making a trust unnecessarily expensive.

What if DB1 had a change of circumstances and actually needs some cash in future?

If when your DM dies you chose to skip a generation you can do so by agreement anyway.

Lexilooo none of the DCs of DM get anything. We are being bypassed to benefit GCs. GCs are all young adults in their twenties so eldest DB is not missing out any more than other DB and me.

Supersimpkin I think you were right when you said it is sad. DM is trying to do a nice, kind thing but is going about it in such a convoluted way that resentments are likely to build.