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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Frenemies

28 replies

Yeahsurewhatever · 30/05/2019 20:23

I don't know what to do about my 'best' friend.
When things go wrong I can tell she's happy about it. Ive called her out on it twice and both times she ended up being the victim.
She has incredibly high expectations for how she should be treated in the relationship and my god will she tell me if I'm not up to scratch, but she certainly is far from keeping those standards with me, and I realised I'm actually a bit scared to address it because she's so confrontational, in general and any time I've tried.

I'm really confident and assertive in the rest of my life and I can't believe I just realised I'm a bit scared of my best friend.

She loves making passive aggressive digs and if she gets confident enough, some downright rude comments. I never feel the need to cause a huge argument over one comment and she refuses to see that combined they're just too much. If I try she will bring up something, usually out of context, that I maybe said several years ago, to justify the 10 rude things she's said to me that month.

Last week was the final straw for me, it was a minor comment but it was the last straw, I haven't spoken to her since and I'm debating blocking her number. But we've been friends for 20 years and it seems so silly to do. Especially when I have so few (almost no) other friends.
Obviously there are times that I enjoy her company and we have loads in common etc.

I guess my options are
Accept it and carry on.
Block her and end the friendship, with no explanation.
Or discuss it, face huge hours long confrontation, anxiety etc. And she's unlikely to change. Surely I'll just always feel the same way.
Or accept she is who she is, and just talk make small talk sometimes.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/06/2019 09:39

Well done OP.

Much as I really loved my pal for the great memories we shared, and they were great, I never regretted pulling away from her.

The longer time went by, all I felt was released and relief.

Funny, as I had cared so much.

Mind yourself, stay strong. 👍

lobsterkiller · 04/06/2019 12:45

Well done. Not am easy to do.

Raindropsonroses27 · 04/06/2019 15:16

It's such a tough one. The obvious answer is to cut them off and end the friendship but sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes these friends have been in your life for years, know a lot of your history/secrets and have shared good times with you. They clearly have some redeeming qualities or you would never have been friends in the first place.

I have one who I have gradually distanced myself from for similar reasons - passive aggressiveness, judgemental attitudes, competitiveness and so on. She noticed I was distancing myself and had a real go at me and even then I couldn't quite bring myself to vocalise why because it sounded as if I was being petty. And even now I feel sad at the prospect of ending the friendship even though she drives me mad!

Sorry no real advice but you're not alone x

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