Do you ever think mean things and worry you are secretly not very nice? Or do we all do it? This is me today...

[usergoogle1]

I always think I want to punch someone who pronounces words wrong.

This morning I was annoyed that a colleague could have her holiday approved before mine was considered simply because she has children.

I wish my parents didn't think living off interest from investments was a hard life

People think I'm lovely ... well they say to my face ...

In fact my ex was correct, I'm going to die old and alone I'm so horrible!

I am a gp and often get compliments about how lovely I am to patients.
I have an internal voice and dialogue that is most definitely not lovely

Yep, I am a real mixture inside (but generally try to be pleasant to others).

I think nice is as nice does really. Can't all have saintly thoughts 100% of the time can we? So long as you aren't actually being an asshole to anyone I'd say you are fine!!

I agree with StarLine.
I think when I was younger I thought sincerity was everything but now I just want people to act in a civilised manner to one another at least and as long as they do that I am not overly worried about what they are thinking.

I sometimes look at the actions of friends and only see grabby cheeky sods. Yet, I smile but I have stopped lying down without a squeak and I have let some of the inside voice out. But only a teeny bit.
The rest I keep for myself

Yes, my internal dialogue is that of an arrogant, prejudiced, foul-mouthed four year old. I always keep them in check with my rational adult mind though.

I dread getting dementia or similar and letting the real me get out.

Haha, god this is me. I’m outwardly nice, patient, caring etc. Inside I seethe at various things, such as my best friend being late (she always is), I’m judgy in my head when people tell me things. I sit afterwards and think I’m a bitch. I don’t think I really am, I keep my thoughts to myself to avoid hurting people etc. I suppose that’s nice

I think it happens to everyone, op.
When I occasionally think negative or nasty thoughts I try to push them away, telling myself they are unreasonable.

Ha a @Keepithidden this is my fear; I think I'm going to be a horrible old person and people will think it's dementia but actually it's just my true character!

I can be jealous, scathing, cruel, arrogant, selfish - and I keep it all inside. I do beat myself up about it, though, and when something bad happens I always feel that I deserve it because I'm a band person.

I'd love to know that I'm no better and no worse than anyone else!

Band person?! BAD person!

People tell me they think I'm very blunt and say what I think. This isn't true. If I actually said what I really think I would have no friends. Everyone thinks horrible things sometimes.

Yes im horrid. I was waiting at the bus stop nice and early with a pushchair today and a woman decided to push in front of me. I tried to get on first just to prove a point but she wasn't having it. She was carrying her baby. Dumped her pushchair at an angle in the pushchair space taking up 2 spaces because she had it at an angle covered in fucking balloons. Then sat at the back with her baby in her arms. I then heard her moaning about me "the lady with the red hair" I currently have obvious chunks of red in my hair. And how mine isn't a baby anymore so he didn't need the space. He's 2 and was sleepy I didn't want a tired wrigglely toddler on my lap for 40mins. There was still room for another pushchair but it was in the elderly priority seats but i sat thinking you ugly cunt all the way home . I had a nice day until then and i live in a small town so will have to see her again.

Don’t worry @thecatsarecrazy your not horrible I would of rammed it out the way and stuck mine in and smirked at her lol.
I’m always told aswell that I’m caring and nice I do actually think I am a nice person but like everyone have moments where I’m just a down right bastard.
I’ve had some really nasty thoughts but doesn’t everyone?

Everyone has horrible inner monologues unless they are saintly folks. I talk myself through mine, acknowledging and the telling myself not to Express 'em..seems to work. I dont feel guilty any more. People can be profoundly annoying.

Yup. I frequently rage, curse and swear on the inside, think horrible thoughts and remain smiling and kind on the outside. I think it's more important how you treat others though. That's your legacy. For context my mum couldn't stand princess Diana (don't ask 🙄) but even she admitted after her death that irrespective of what she thought of her she had brought so many people happiness in her life, that's what mattered. I try to keep that in mind when I'm feeling particularly ragey. I'm yet to act on it 😆

ooohbetty Yes! I especially wish all sorts of evil punishments on the kids who bullied my son - 20 years on .
And have to bite my tongue when my entitled sister rants on .
And when in a particularly low place , think " Why the fuck are you looking happy " at total strangers.
Glad I am not the only one. Scary to think I am so horrible.

I spend an inordinate amount of time muttering "oh just fuck off" under my breath

*honeybooboo123
Ha! Me too! Wonder if all the people you see muttering in public are doing the same !

I try to be nice and if you spoke to anyone who deals with me they would probably say I am nice and friendly and caring. BUT I'm obviously not as I don't have any friends because I'm too lazy to make the constant effort to arrange to meet up then actually meet up and talk to people.

I love the honesty on this thread. There was one a while ago where everyone came on and said 'I never think bad thoughts! You're a terrible person!' It was MN at its finest.

I love my oldest friend but I don't think she's a good person a lot of the time. She's selfish and unreliable.

I think shitty thoughts about the kid and parents who bullied my son. I would like to punch his mum in the face.

I used to a lot! Somewhat rageful!

I found out my BP got dangerously high when I was thinking or like that.

I decided I didn't want to die of a stroke over nonsense so I changed.
Meditation every day and looking after my health, journaling.

I'm very chill most of the time now.

I think my two best friends are hideously dressed*

If you saw us together all we do is squeal and give each other ravishing compliments.

*and married to men who resemble potatoes

the lady i sit next to at work drives me nuts with her constant muttering and moaning about EVERYTHING.

it's too cold.
it's too draughty with the window open.
it's too hot.
that person's food smells.
why won't my laptop work?
her shoes are too noisy.
why does he constantly come sniffing around for snacks all the time?
why are my colleagues such idiots?
saying "for crying out loud" 4 billion times every day.

as her manager, i just have to sit and seethe silently, knowing that she won't fucking leave, no matter how miserable she is.

she is a particular european nationality.
i realise this makes me sound all ukip-y, but i have worked and loved working with hundreds of people from all over europe, north and south america and asia.

but one particular euro nationality has by a massive margin, the highest proportion of miserable moaners.

of which she is a prime example.

grrrr.

All day every day, but I'm funny as hell too, I daren't say what I think sometimes x