Okay so I’m sorry it’s a long one !
We have a 3 year old dda 6 month old ds. Been together 5 years
Dp works 2 jobs so isn’t around much.
I’m a sahm
However he has 1 day a week off so we have date day and our kids go to the grandparents . (So grateful for) mil can be hard work . When she comes to Our home all I get is comments on my weight, if I had continued to breastfeed ds his health problems wouldn’t be as bad that’s just one example! But I’ve put up with this for all our relationship . Dp pulls her up on it she starts behaving then goes back to her old ways. Because of this I always make sure I’m not left alone with her .
I had pnd when dd was born so dp had to be her main Carer for the first 6 weeks of her life and this still guilts me to this day. ( he wasn’t working 2 jobs then)
Our son was born with a few health problems that he needs surgery for but can’t be done until he’s 1. As a result he cries a lot from the pain , doesn’t feed well and always wants his mummy. (This makes me anxious on date day that he’s crying for me)
Also doesn’t sleep, he cat naps during the day and wakes near enough every hour during the night . He is on regular medication. I wish the pediatrics could give him some magic medicine now for his pain and to heal him.
Our 3 year old is amazing however she can be naughty at times like any other 3 year old.But she is genuinely amazing she leaves me in awe how clever she is .
I know it’s not the babies fault but it puts a strain on us because I’m exhausted and dp is from working . I have no family to lean on for support. I have friends who me and the children try to see as much as possible.
When I was younger 10+ years ago I had serious mental health problems due to abuse as a child I was a serious self harmer I have scars all over my body. I’ve had cbt and dbt therapy to learn how to cope in stressful situations instead of hurting myself . My scars are now covered with beautiful tattoos so my daughter can’t ask me “mummy what’s that on your arm?”
My partner has no history of mental health problems .
Dp is a brilliant dad he worships our children and I am so proud of him for providing for our family I tell him this all the time .
We don’t argue often I try my best to avoid confrontational situations with anyone.
And I just want to keep our family happy.
So I’m asking is this becoming a abusive relationship because there have been 2 incidents since our son was born.
We had a argument about how he said I should leave the baby to “cry it out” I don’t feel comfortable with this . We started to argue . I got up and started leaving the room crying carrying ds. (dd at grandparents)He goes on to shove our dining table, kick it then follow me out the room and slam the door behind me .
3 days ago we began to argue about something else he began to say that I blame him for everything , the baby’s health problems , our 3 year olds tantrums etc.
I wasn’t aware I did this . I live in a exhausted bubble at the moment. Again it started getting heated so I got up to leave the room , taking the children with me . He threw a pile of clothes at me . When I turned round and asked why he did that he said “look what you’ve fucking done now!”
I left the room sobbing . I know it’s only a pile of clothes but it’s the second time he’s lost it with me . I’m so tired I don’t want to argue I just want a quiet happy life for us . I have spoken to a friend about it and she says it’s slowly becoming abuse. But I would like unbiased opinion.
In the past when things have happened he never apologizes . I always message him to smooth things over I can’t bear the children picking up on the atmosphere when he is home . And it’s generally just easier. .
Do I sit him down and have a serious talk with him and tell him I don’t appreciate him losing it like that ?
Please be gentle with me !
Tia