AIBU - Long Distance Relationship

[ToPick]

Posted yesterday:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3598550-Who-do-I-pick-Im-so-confused-Head-is-a-mess

I'm not focusing on the other guy now, as after the advice of mumsnetters yesterday, I realised this could just be me seeking love elsewhere.
But still, despite this, i'm not happy in my long distance relationship.

We had a phone call last night. I asked him why i'm flying out to him when he left me. I said I feel like i'm making all the compromises - i didnt choose long distance.
He said he compromised for 2 years staying at home waiting for me to finish my studies. In an ideal world he would have a girlfriend who was travelling with him but he loves me too much.
I said, before he left, he told me that we'd see each other summer and we'd have a trip close to home. He said, plans change and financially it's not applicable.
I asked if he would consider Europe over summer and he said he'd consider it but not promising anything.
I said there's 4 weeks to go, we shouldve sorted all this. I said i've been trying to get things booked but you've been la di da about things. I only asked myself why i'm putting so much effort into things when you just keep saying to me 'it can wait, it's only a click away'.

He said that he's been ill with a headache since sunday and i've just been nagging him so this is my problem since i've been the one snapping.
I admit, I have been nagging but i'm becoming sonfrustrated. It's been 6 months of not seeing him and it feels like we're at a dead end.

I told him i hate long distance and what happens after the 4 weeks I see him, then what?
He said he might be coming home to study. MIGHT. I just cant live with the inconsistency anymore.
I cant even get excited about summer because nothings being booked.

He said he is very happy where he is in America and even if we broke up, he'd be sad but he is happy with every other aspect of his life so will be okay.

But when i did mention breaking up, he was like 'but we dont want that'

I dont know what to do, im not happy :(

Ive been through this. My partner lives in another country and at times I get very lost about where it is going. At that point I think about what I get from the relationship.

When we see each other it is incredible - so much fun and excitement. We talk or message almost every day and almost without fail it is positive and worth doing. If I have a problem he helps me as best he can - he gives advice, offers support or just listens.

But equally, there is no real future for us for at least a few years. For me at the moment, that's Ok. I don't need a full time relationship as I have lots going on. So for now, it's good.

My advice would be to ask yourself what is good about this relationship right now. Is there enough good to keep it going exactly as it is. Is there room for movement if there are problems?

My partner and I keep our relationship open so that the time apart (often months) can include other people. We have some rules about this, but it works. We don't think beyond what is the here and now, because it is sad to think that there may not be a time we are together. We just make the most of when we are together.

That said, I also get frustrated at the lack of commitment to make plans to be together. Don't let him away with that. be very clear about what you need from him to make that happen and if he can't provide it, I'd suggest he doesn't want you to go.

I think the same advice you were given still applies. He wants it all his own way, he isn't making any effort, has not done what he said he would, and he is actually dissuading you from going out to him! I don't know what you hope to achieve from a new thread, you were given excellent advice on the other one.

As before, you're wasting your time with him. He's not excitedly planning for your arrival - he's not fussed. You're expending effort on someone who likes you as a safety net.