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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Reassure me

9 replies

Lostmykeys · 30/05/2019 00:35

I’ve started seeing the loveliest man who appears to be smitten with me. Foolishly I looked up his ex wife on FB. She’s stunning. Everything I’m not. It’s my own fault for feeling rubbish. I have such hangups about my size 6ft, size 20 and looks.
I’ve mentioned to him a couple of times that I don’t think I’m his type. He reassures me and tells me he sees a person not my size.
How do I stop myself from constantly wanting to say to him please don’t lead me on if I’m not your type? Just frightened of being hurt for the zillionth time.

OP posts:
AintMisbehaving · 30/05/2019 01:05

For sure.

I am male/husband - I would 100% rather have a loving, kind person that a stunning woman. The thing is that a kind, nice person is SO much nicer to be around than (just) a 'beautiful' woman - simple :)

Please take your partner at face value :) why would he lie ?
Please be reassured :))

Frownette · 30/05/2019 04:13

Aww. His ex is his ex, for a good reason. We all take a gamble trusting people with our heart no matter what we look like. His 'type' as you perceive it didn't build a relationship which lasted.

I think you need to focus on things which make you feel happy and confident in general. You say he gives you reassurance, please try to relax and enjoy the time you spend together. And it's more about mutual goals and trust than looks.

Aria999 · 30/05/2019 04:22

I hope it works out! Unless you're very wealthy he probably wouldn't be sticking around if he wasn't into you.

HUZZAH212 · 30/05/2019 04:27

Looks don't last forever but a personality will last a lifetime.

Havalina · 30/05/2019 05:01

I'll be the voice of doom and say that if your gut instinct says this and you are feeling insecure, it's never going to be an easy relationship.

I

Frownette · 30/05/2019 05:20

Hav I think it's her own preconceptions rather than gut instinct

StarlightLady · 30/05/2019 05:35

If you keep saying to someone that you are not his type, it sends out signals that you are trying to back off. This does not seem to be the case, so stop saying it to him! ‘Hope thing develop well.

Original poster
Lostmykeys · 30/05/2019 06:06

Thank you all so much. This is what I needed. You’re all right. I need to enjoy this rather than do internal battles on whether I’m good enough.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 30/05/2019 06:35

@Lostmykeys - That's what I like to hear.

Just to add that from a peronal point of view, I don’t think I have ever had “types”. Those I have been in friendships with, have been oh, so different in appearance. It’s all about passion. x

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