What if a relationship doesn’t move on?

[Donatello68]

I was with my ex for 24 years so, am a bit out of touch. I have been divorced for 3 years and apart from a couple of dates.. not much. I met this guy 8 months ago at a sporting event. He is 15 years older than me and did all the running.

We started going out a couple of times a week. I have teenage children who go between mine and my ex’s house so, we fit in around them. We get on really well and have a lot in common. We have date nights a couple of nights a week and a the odd weekends away but, that’s it. We do have a really good time when we are together but, I feel a bit lost when we don’t. I did overinvest at the beginning of the relationship, thinking that he was the love of my life.. but, have had a reality check since..

He has been divorced for 16 years and had 2 longish relationships since that ended as one ex had an affair and one ex wanted to get married and he didn’t. He has said that it is different with me and that he hoped that we could get a house together etc. However, he is concerned about his sons finances- which don’t sound that bad to me- and he has asked his son to move home. His son is 35 and single.

When I have the children with me, I always make the effort to see him. However, when I don’t have them, he doesn’t make much effort to see me and makes excuses. I actually see him more when I have the children!! He has said that he would like to see me the same amount regardless of when I have the children otherwise he would miss me too much when I do have the children.

I don’t keep any of my stuff at his and he doesn’t keep any stuff at mine. Yet, he has a garage full of his exes stuff and wears a necklace that his ex ex gave him!!

Basically, in 8 months, things don’t seem to have ‘moved on’. Am I being too previous? I am beginning to suspect that he just wants a FB or companionship.

I think that I would eventually like to settle down.. shall I see how this goes or just cut my losses??

I don't think 8 months is very long at all when both parties have arrived with "baggage" (sorry for that term and it's not meant negatively)

You're both at a stage where you need to be focusing on yourselves really. In your shoes I would try to keep things as they are with him but concentrate on finding other things to fulfil me. Hobbies and work...friends etc.

Him wearing his exe's necklace isn't too much of a red flag. He might just really like it. I kept a necklace my ex made for me...because it was beautiful. (lost it or I'd still wear it now!)

Sounds like a perfect arrangement as a 50 something man, kids growing up I really don't want the hassle of commitment or attaching too much. Relationships are far too much effort.

There's no right or wrong.

There's just what you want, and is it compatible with what he wants?

What exactly are you expecting after 8 months?

I’m reading your OP and think it sounds great

I think it's probably fine after 8 months but what I would say is ensure that your lines of communication are open in terms of what you both would like for the future. I've just come out of a 2 year relationship. We didn't communicate well at all and after 2 years it transpired that we didn't want the same things out of a relationship. I really wish that we had spoke sooner about what we both wanted.