Am I asking too much?

[ikkledudette]

I've had a terrible evening involving my parent's and really needed some support. I messaged my boyfriend explaining what had happened and he said to try and contact my friends. No offer to talk on the phone or meet up. AIBU to be pissed off? He always talks a big game, but the one time I needed him for support and he tells me to try and contact friends.

Hopeful bump

He's an arse!

What's good about him?

Sounds shit. Was there a reason?

he might be a boy but he's no friend. time to move on.
when the chips are down you want someone you can count on to be by your side.

He says he thought it was the right thing to suggest friends as he is 40 minutes away. I just feel that isn't a good enough reason. I can't need him because of the distance.

How old are you both? How long have you been in a relationship?

I am 33, he is 35. We've been together 3 months. I know it's early days, but I've been there if he's needed me. I feel like I've perhaps over invested and was hoping for the same in return.

Maybe he has a good point, since your friends are much closer by the sound of it.

Had he been watching the football?

You could have just called him for a chat.

But to be honest you sound a bit needy. At the 3 months stage things should be quite light and fun still. Why not just call a friend, they have been your friends for longer than 3 months presumably and know you better.

You are expecting too much at 3 months. I thought you were going to say 3 years. He presumably doesn't know your parents and your history with them while your friends do. If l was him l would be thinking...too needy...and be getting the idea that maybe it's not going to work.

But he’s a newish boyfriend and your friends know you far better and are geographically closer?

I retract my 'arse' comment. You've only been together a few weeks! You shouldn't be seeking his support at this stage. He's right, contact your friends!

What time did you contact him? If during the football, he may have been distracted or watching with friends. I think it says a lot about you, that you'd rather involve a new boyfriend, than let off steam with an old friend who knows you.
Can you see a pattern in your past relationships of them getting serious and codependent quickly?
You could keep him for the light fun stuff from now onwards. Different if he becomes a committed partner of course.

Thank you all for your input. I appreciate your honesty. I am indeed being needy and codependant.

I think you’ve had a very early sign that you probably have expectations that he isn’t capable of meeting. Yes it’s very early days, yes he was probably right, that your friends would be better placed to support you but to not even attempt to feign interest/ concern, says a lot.

Some people are needier than others and some people are capable of meeting those needs so don’t waste your time and theirs, trying to reconcile fundamental differences.