Who do I pick? I'm so confused. Head is a mess.

[ToPick]

Been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years for just under a year now. He moved.to another country to pursue his dream of travelling before having to settle (he's 28) and i'm 24. Not sure when he's home, I know he might want to spend 2 years in canada (we're from the UK). I've been relatively okay with the LD but we have of course struggled at some points - we broke up 3 month into it because i hated long distance.
1 month into that breakup, I met a friend of a friend. He was so lovely and he asked me on a date. And I was so excited. But just before the date, I had messages off.my ex begging to get back together and that he will come home and he was phoning me very upset.
I went on the date but it was tainted by what happened before. I had a lovely time. He was lovely. He was so kind and he is so passionate about his job.
But I felt it wasnt fair on him when I was dealing with ending things officially with my ex.
He text me asking if i'd love to go for a meal in this quite fancy restaurant with him soon but I said i'd love to but I dont feel quite ready to date (he knew i have recently come out of a relationship). He was lovely about it, said that was fine and that was that (4 months ago).

In this 4 months, me and my ex.somehow got back together. He told me he was coming home, he never came home. We were.meant to go on a Europe trip but somehow it's ended up me joining him in America because he has anxiety about.coming home. I will only be staying for 4 weeks.
I feel i've been trying to convince.myself i am happy with this - i am happy to join him, I am happy to move away one day, I am fine with coming home and coming back to long distance.
But i'm not. I thought i have been happy the past few.months but perhaps I've just.gone back to what i'm used to.
Me.and my current boyfriend had an argument on the weekend but I think I caused it due to my frustration of everything going his way. He hasnt spoke to me in 3 days properly - if he has it's just been saying i've been making his days negative and he's busy. But nobody is busy 24 hours in a day. He doesnt have a job, just having language lessons.
I've tried to ring him, he wont answer.me. sent me a patronising text 2 nights ago after i tried to ring, about how he's watching a movie because some of us know how to not let things affect us (added a smiley face at the end).
I was tense, agigtated, dont think i've cried as hysterically before, and i cant concentrate on my work.

I cant stop thinking about this other person either. I kick myself for being stupid and just going back to what I know. I do love this man and love our.memories together but can love always be enough with long distance?
This other.man was out with my other friends the other night. I wasnt out because I had puffy eyes from the argument. He was asking about me, why i wasnt out. And all I keep thinking is how I wish I was out to see him.
I'm so confused; in my whole 5 years with my current bf, i've never felt a strong attraction towards anyone else.
But I just feel dont want to hurt my current bf. Long distance is just not for me

It doesn't sound as if your bf has any intention of coming home soon and everything is on his terms. You are too young to tie yourself down to something like this. You're only 24 and have your whole life in front of you. You'll find love again.
So, my advice is to end it with your bf and go no contact so he doesn't reel you back in. Go out with that other lad, go out with lots of other lads! Have some fun, your bf certainly is!

Ditch him, sounds like you want different things? He wants to travel whilst he’s young? Chances are this will continue for a long time (if not forever). I recently met someone in their 40’s who was still ‘travelling whilst young’ and they had no intention on settling any time soon.

Sad as it is your relationship has cone to an end because you want different things. He can’t expect you to put your life on hold indefinitely as that is selfish. For him to come home prematurely will cause resentment. End it calmly and start dating again. Uf he ever comes back and you are single, who knows.

Thank you everyone

Don't pick either.
Be single. If you're feeling torn between two people it's not fair on either of them to be with either.
Spend some time alone, only when you're happy by yourself can you truly be happy with someone else.

You know your boyfriend isn’t right for you.

Whether the new man is the “exit affair” or whether it genuinely has potential, doesn’t really matter.

Tell your boyfriend: we want different things. And split up.

Go on a date with other man if you want, you’re free to date.

I think you’re being quite weak just latching yourself to new man to get away from old man. But, meh - so be it.

I would say though, that I notice that firstly you have been prepared to bend your life around one boyfriend and now you’re gushing about this new man being ‘passionate about his job’. That doesn’t quite sit right with me... it’s a bit of the same really - putting the man on a pedestal and fitting in around him. Just the impression I’m getting, a feeling, really.

How about you date new guy but concentrate on things like being passionate about YOUR job?

And yes, it’s ridiculous.
Whatever you do, don’t waste 4 weeks of leave and money to jump when he clicks his fingers! Presumably you’re the one with an actual job, so time off is more precious to you. Let him travel to see YOU, as he likes travel so much . But mostly: just dump him.

Don't pick either of them. If you don't know then it's isn't that right one anyway.

Old bf doesn't want to come home, but it sounds as though he doesn't actually want you to go out to be with him either. He said there's no point you booking it now, "there's plenty of time". The later you leave it the more expensive it gets!

Don't book it. Break up with the selfish git. Again.

I don’t think your bf cares very much about you, sorry. I don’t know anyone desperately in love who is happy to be away from their partner for that long, by choice. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dating while he’s away. I would leave him 100%.

Agree with others. Your BF has no intention of coming back but seems to want to keep you hanging. I would end it (amicably) and explain there is no point continuing relationship with no realistic prospect of you living in same country any time soon.

Date the other man and see where it leads

Pick yourself!

Cancel going to see your boyfriend, end the relationship and go non-contact.

Give yourself some space and time before you jump into a relationship with someone else.

Dump him. He sounds like a right moron. I’m sure you can find someone much nicer.

End it with Mr America. He's hanging out in America having language lessons but can't find time to talk to the woman he loves properly.

He claims he coming home but now he has too much anxiety. So he's never coming home, do you want to move to America to be with him?

You're meant to be visiting and he's procrastinating around sorting it, makes me wonder if he's trying to sort out Miss America so you don't clash...

It's not working.
Simple as that.
End it with the current BF.
He's no intention of ever putting you 1st.
You will always be trailing around after him.
Give yourself and couple of weeks then see if you still want to date the 2nd guy.
Then take it slowly and see how it goes.

I think your BF likes you as a security blanket, and the idea of having a girlfriend. But the second you have any needs of your own, he's not interested.

Long distance isn't for you, and you'll be wasting your money and time going out to see him. Just end it properly and don't have contact afterwards for at least a while, so you don't backslide.

The other bloke, well, have some fun - don't be in a hurry to latch onto anyone tho, think about what you want and don't let it revolve around some bloke.

Ditch the long distance bloke. It's likely he likes having this anchor to home and feels cut adrift without it. That's not your problem. It's not going to go anywhere and wasting your 20s on unsuitable relationships really brings out the regret later on.

Don't do anything about this new dude for now. Just focus on yourself.

Thanks for the advice everyone!
He did send me a message last night asking if i was okay but i havent replied as of yet, not when he hasnt spoken to me properly in 3 days,
My head is just a but everywhere but i'll take everybodys advice on board

It’s not even a long distance relationship if your not even seeing one another in person occasionally is it? It’s nothing more than text friends.

Sounds like he doesn’t really want you but neither wants anyone else to date you.

Pick yourself, not Long distance guy who treats you like dirt. Have some me time, if the new guy really likes you then he’ll wait.

Who do you pick? You pick yourself.
From what you've said it sounds like the situation with your current boyfriend isn't right for you, so end it.
The other guy is really irrelevant in this story, yes you may end up dating him or you may not but don't make the break up about 'choosing' him, make it about doing what's right for you.

Yeah i agree the other guy is irrelevant and most probably nothing will come of it.
I think it's just a pang of 'what if?'if i didnt say no to the second date.
I of course love my LD boyfriend but looking back I feel i might have made a mistake giving it another go :(

The long distance BF would not work for many people. It would not work for me. It’s making you anxious and upset and he’s being a dick not communicating healthily with you.

I would tell BF it’s over. Definitely go out on dates with other guy!

Ditch your BF... he’s doing whatever he wants isn’t he? Is that the life you want, because that is what’s on offer from him.