Know I need to end it but where to start?

[GirlOnIt]

Just that really. I know I need to end things and I know Dp will be devastated and not want to.
What do I say? What happens with Ds (7 months) and the house and everything we've built up together.

Should I move out if it's my decision? I could go back to my mums.

Am I massive bitch if I ask him to move out when I'm the one ending things? I feel that would be what's best for Ds, but Dp worked so hard on the house and I feel it would be unfair on him.
I could afford this house on my own though but wouldn't get something else to the same standard if I move out.

I think he'll go, in particular if I say I just need some space for now and we might work things out. I'm just not sure that's true.

Selling and buying somewhere smaller is fine as it's not all about material possessions (we'd all love a big property but that's life). Cam you afford the house for now by yourself with a baby?

Is DS breast fed? If so, he'll have to either see him around you or you'll have to pump and he can have DS every other weekend.

I think you both need to consider what is best for DS.
At 7 MO he's not attached to the 'family home' or anything.
Could you get something smaller with DS?
What is the issue with DP?
Is it something you could work on together in counselling?

When I broke things off with an ex partner I asked him to leave initially, he refused and so I moved out instead. It was a great fresh start for me and my son who was 3 at the time.
I don't think there's anything wrong with asking him to leave, if he is a decent man and wants to put his child first he will see that is the best option. But if he refuses, be prepared with plan b.
There's plenty of time to arrange when he can visit/have his son, the best advice I can give is to keep things as friendly as possible between you both for the sake of your son. But at the the same time, you need to be honest with him, you haven't said why you want to end things?

If I move out I won't be able to buy, well not for a while. So would need to rent or move back home which I can do.
I don't want to go into what's wrong, but counselling may be a option after a bit of time @hellsbellsmelons.

Yes I'm breastfeeding @RLEOM. But Ds takes expressed milk in a bottle.

How do I bring it up with Dp? He knows I'm a bit off. But we've actually been getting on ok recently and I think he's going to take it quite badly.

If counselling is an option, why not opt for it sooner instead of tearing apart your family?

Not sure I'd rush into anything when your DS is still so young. Could be the tiredness and hormones causing issues tbh. Might all work out fine if you give it a bit of time? Obviously only you know your reasons though!

I don't think it would work right now @RLEOM. I need to be able to have a clear head for it and that's not going to happen if I'm living with him.

That's what I need space to decide @chuttypicks. But I don't think it is tiredness/hormones. Dp will say it is though.
I need to be firm with what I tell him, which I think will be easier if I go home to my mums. But I think it's better longterm if I stay in our home. I just don't know how to approach any of it with him.

Have you considered counselling? What is it about the relationship that makes you want to end it? Seven months post-partum can be a very dangerous time to make massive decisions. Obviously, if physical abuse or emotional abuse is a factor then you should end it immediately.

From your previous threads he has treated you pretty poorly OP. I think some time apart might be a good idea.

Lots of things @Aquamarine1029, that I don't really want to go in to. He's not physically abusive and no cheating on either side, but I don't feel counselling is right for us at this time.

I agree @peachgreen. I'm just not sure how to broach it or what we do about everything. I'm trying to make a list (it's on my phone and all my passwords are changed so he won't see it). Obviously where me and Ds live is a big one, then money. But everything is joint, mortgage, bank accounts. If he moves out do we change gas, electricity etc as they're in his name. Contact for Ds, he's only young so I think one overnight at a time but not two in a row, is that reasonable? If we wants more what will he realistically get? I was going to suggest one night/day every weekend, two midweek nights he comes to see him here, bath him put to bed etc.