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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Final decisions. Desperate.

12 replies

mamapart · 28/05/2019 17:12

This is about my millionth post on here about the same relationship but I do need the advice? It's a long story but if you read my other threads you'd be up to date? Me and my partner split up yesterday and he moved out, we desiccated being together and living apart (we've done this before) it didn't work out then because he hardly showed up to stay with me but he said that he was in a different mindset then and hated me. I agreed to try it but I just feel sooo abandoned and so depressed right now. I suffer anyway with depression and anxiety and atm it's through the roof. Any advice on how to cope and move forward?

OP posts:
rvby · 28/05/2019 17:20

Are you still texting him / in contact with him? If so what is the content of your communication?

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting like this xx

mamapart · 28/05/2019 18:16

@rvby
I am yes. This only happened yesterday so we FaceTimed last night for about 15 minutes and we've texted a few times today whilst he's at work, I suspect we'll FaceTime tonight? He'll be seeing me every weekend he can?

OP posts:
rvby · 28/05/2019 18:51

So you're not split are you? Just living separately but you'll keep seeing each other?

Lozzerbmc · 28/05/2019 18:54

Sorry you are going through this but if you have split why so much communication ? It wont help you move forward at all

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/05/2019 19:14

I'm guessing you keep posting because you're desperate to talk about it but you know full well you will never chuck this guy.

Your lifestyle is unhealthy, you don't eat well and you stay up all night, you have an incredibly toxic relationship with this guy (both of you are bad for each other I think) and you have what sound like toxic or no relationship with most of your family members. You also don't seem to have any close friendships.

Basically you need to start fresh. You need to find a way to break this poisonous co dependence with this guy, start looking after yourself and focus only on any healthy relationships you do have in your life. Maybe take your baby to some baby groups, or reach out on a mum and baby networking app rather than one like Yubo which isn't going to get you the kind of friendships which will help you to become more stable.

You rarely mention your dd in your posts but she must be suffering so much. Her dad is in and out of her life, there are screaming rows often, her mum doesn't sleep at night which exacerbates depression and therefore is often tired and unavailable.

You love your dd and you seem like a nice person who wants to have a better life, please stop focussing on this relationship - it's fucked, it's unfixable, it's destructive, it's dead.

mamapart · 29/05/2019 13:59

Only just seen that @MyKingdomForBrie

I really want a fresh start, but you're right I don't know if I can leave him , the devious have always been left down to him. I just decided we will see how this goes for a while, living apart and being together. I hope in the future once my child's in nursery and I have a job we can move back together and things will be better

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 29/05/2019 14:16

Things are never going to get better. He's abusive, you are dependent, it's a corrosive, mutually destructive relationship and it will have a permanently scarring affect on your DD.

mamapart · 29/05/2019 18:13

@PatriciaHolm

Have you ever been on a situation like this?

OP posts:
mamapart · 29/05/2019 21:41

@MyKingdomForBrie

Have you ever been in this situation or anything similar?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 29/05/2019 22:06

He is an abusive drug user, a useless, neglectful father and a complete sponger who contributes nothing positive to your life and is actively damaging your daughter - as are you by continuing to be with him. I'm sorry to sound harsh OP but if the two of you truly love your little girl you need to put her first. That means ending this toxic relationship once and for all and working on your own physical and mental health so you can be the parent she deserves.

ScreamingLadySutch · 29/05/2019 22:09

Look up trauma bonding OP.

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/05/2019 18:41

@mamapart I was in a relationship that ended up becoming toxic. I had to just move out and go cold turkey, it was the only way. I didn't have dc at the time and had a job to distract me so it was easier for me but it's doable, you can escape this.

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