Looking for advice here as much as anything, and wondering if there's anything I can/should be doing to improve this situation - or if I should just ignore!
Background: my sister and I have always been very much on the same wavelength in terms of attitudes, tastes, and share a deep love of books. Were very close as teens. In our twenties, we'd talk every few weeks on the phone, but not message that much. Visits 2-3 times a year, plus seeing each other at our parents. Spiritually close rather than socially close, I'd say.
Now, my sister had my nephew 8 months ago. He's a lovely baby, and I feel a real bond with him, though I'm not a natural with babies.
The trouble is, I feel guilty for how little I 'chat' about him to her, and I get the sense she wants me to be asking for pictures/updates all the time. I'd really like to see her more often, but she lives 1.5h minimum (3h on a bad day!), and although I managed once a month at first, lately I just haven't been able to, and worse, can't see an easy spot to go see them either.
She's been complaining to me about our parents not seeing my nephew enough and all the journeys being 'one way' with her going up to them (another 1.5h in the opposite direction) - but they actually arranged his christening up there, and chose to arrange something else that could have been at home - and it feels like I'm coming in for the same criticism now!
But... all this has thrown up how one sided our relationship can be in terms of reaching out. I visit alone or with my husband, and arrange those. I arrange for her to visit ours (always alone - quite clear her husband just isn't fussed about us vs his usual weekend routine). I start most conversations previously. I went to help out with her house move, painted the nursery etc - never had the same help offered.
None of this would bother me if I weren't on the receiving end of her annoyance I can't come and see her and my nephew! It's just become obvious that she's got blinkers on. I genuinely can't imagine her coming to see me that often once we have kids without me sorting it out - if then.
*Is there any sense in that it's obvious - to you guys - that I'm not doing my duty, aunt wise? Is there any give and take I might be missing? Or is she just being short sighted? Is there a time limit on how long before it's fair that she travel to us with the baby?"
And just in case anyone thinks there might be a 'husband problem' there for her - I wouldn't say there was one that wasn't unilateral. They're both pretty robust personalities, and although he just doesn't gel well with DH and I, he's very hospitable to us.