Morning all. Apologies for long post, just trying to get all info in one post. Not sure if I'm after advice or just wanting to have a moan.
Bit of background - together 11years, 2 kids, house part way done. He's never been social with me, and doesn't tend to go out with friends either. He's pretty much a hermit. He does work with friends though and takes the kids to a lot of kids clubs where he is very sociable but he's just not interested in nights out, friends BBQ's etc. That is fine, slightly annoying, but I'm use to it and happy to go solo.
Anyway, the last couple of months our relationship feels extremely strained. We haven't had sex for at least 3 months (this is a long time for us) so I'm aware this is adding to the tension. The only time he actually touches me is to initiate sex and I don't even remember the last time we hugged or kissed. But now there are all these other issues and I know I really need to talk to him, but communication is at an all time low and I'm no good with confrontation (although all I want to do is have a talk and see what's going on, I worry he's going to just sulk and not actual offer anything useful to the conversation).
Issues ........Not wanting to do anything together, or even as a family – it’s hard enough persuading two kids without having to try persuade an adult too. He works quite a bit of overtime at the weekend and whilst I appreciate he may just want to stay home, once a month it would be nice to go out for the day.
Not interested in discussing plans for the house/ future or to book any holidays. I’m aware money is may be an issue, but if that is the case then why can’t he just say – we can’t afford to do that, and I’ll stop spending time looking at holidays etc!
No interest in my life or work. I feel I could disappear for the day and he wouldn’t care who I’m with or where I am. I become self employed beginning of this year (with dp approval), so I work from home, alone. This is great for me and I do see people on a daily basis, but I find it rude and upsetting that he never once asks me how work is going. I ask him everyday how work was, his response – fine/busy/ok. I do at least try to get conversation going.
Feels like he doesn’t want to be in the same room as me.
Begrudgingly sits at the dinner table until he has finished eating and then leaves regardless of me or the kids still eating.
Currently feels like I have a third child in the house. His day off yesterday and he spent the day playing fifa or football with our ds. Comes to tea time and he has to go in to work – another meal time avoided!
I don't know if I'm just being too sensitive, or is he behaving like a child? Part of me wants to try sort it out but part of me just thinks what is the point.... people don't change and maybe he's always been this way and I've just grown too tired to put up with it.
Just to add, our son was diagnosed with a chronic illness last year, he's doing okay but I know that has affected us all - I did say the other week that all we talk about is our sons toileting issues (not even joking)! Also, it's his 40th bday end of the year - doesn't want to do anything..... (although he is going with friends for weekend next year - which I'm happy about). mid life crisis????? depression?? aspergers??