To feel so damn lonely

[feckingusernames]

Just that really.
I left a loveless and sexless relationship about 2 years ago and have been trying on and off for the past year to find someone.

I joined OLD on multiple sites and don’t ever get a message back and just wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

I’ve been told I’m a good man, reasonably good looking, I have lots of friends, both men and women, and am easy to get on with, but just can’t seem to ever get anywhere, not even a single message.

I just fine the loneliness crushing and can’t see a way to change it.
The waking up alone every morning, the going to bed with no one there. I have some good friends, but it’s just not the same as a having a partner and someone to hold.

There's not really anyone I can talk to about it in real life and i certainly wouldn't raise it with my friends. I couldn't stand the look of pity I would get.

Sorry for the self pity party, but just wanted to get it out.

If you are brave enough, you can post your profile on here and MNers can give you some pointers why they think you may not be getting any replies. A word of warning though, some blokes who've done this have had some real home truths spelled out to them! There maybe some very good reasons why you aren't getting replies. (Awful photo, unrealistic expectations, cringey profile to name a few.)

I wouldn't mind a few home truths if it helped, but I would die of embarrassment if anyone I knew in real life linked this post to me

You can send me a PM if you want me to have a look at your profile?

Could be a number of things, OLD is hard work at the best of times

Hey its great your getting out there. Have you tried something other than old. Like a hobby group or speed dating night, hilarious but fun!
Also send a tailored message rather than hiya how are you or similar.
I hated old when I was single. But keep persevering

What sort of things do you write in your initial messages? That won't be outing and might be helpful.

Hi,

Sparkly; That would be great thanks and very much appreciated.

Spangly; Thanks, I never really considered going to a speed dating thing. I'll have to look and see if there is one in my area. I always thought they would be a bit cringe worthy, but I'm willing to give pretty much anything a go right about now! I do try and send a tailored message where possible, but after reading another thread I think I may be trying too hard.

Category; I'll generally start with a Hi, then ask a question about them based on their profile and make a, normally very poor, attempt at humour. I don't really have a standard opening message as i try and tailor it to the info on their profile.

Thanks for all the responses, it does mean a lot rather than just be dismissed

Perhaps scrub round the crap joke if you already know it's crap.

That's probably very good advice!

@feckingusernames

Firstly stop being so harsh on yourself and trying too hard, women don't like desperate men and this shows in our body lanuage.

When you say you are a ''good man'' what do you mean by it ??

Loads of men are starting with ''Hi''s on these sites and women are inundated with messages. Try and stand out from the routine messages women receive. Lets say ''intrigue'' always will get you attention.

I would like to know more about you and your life and your past relationships to be diving deep into this with you and hopefully put you on the right track.

Best Wishes ...

Perhaps identify some common ground you have with the person you're messaging. (Not really stretching it like she likes mountaineering and you once saw a mountain from a plane window ), but if you like camping and she likes camping, or she's been skydiving and you'd genuinely like to try it yourself - that sort of thing.

Personally if I were single now I’d try anything but OLD. Have you joined any local groups, classes etc for things that interest you? IME the best relationships start out as friendships, or with people you share interests with.

What about dancing? My mum used to go swing dancing when she was single and said there were so few men there that they were very in demand with the ladies! Even if you’re a crap dancer now, you won’t be after some classes!

Hi all,

Thanks very much it's certainly given me some things to think about and look at, especially in looking outside of OLD to potentially find someone.

I may even give the swing dancing a go (although I pity my poor dancing partners feet if I do).

It may also help with losing some weight \ getting fitter!

Ironically whilst on here I got a message on POF (my first!)

I'll take on board what has been said and see how it goes.

I may even try and give the crap jokes a miss

Thanks once again

I'm very fussy with profiles. I like to see more than one picture (not one from 10 years ago) and there has to be a smile in one of them. I like to see writing to show that the person is serious and to learn something about them.

When it comes to replying, it depends on how much the person is into using the app. For example, I'm on Tinder but my heart isn't 100% in it just yet. Men will message, I'll reply, but then I won't be on there again for another week. Just depends what life is throwing at me at the time. However, if someone really grabs my attention with their profile or our conversation, I'll be sure to try and reply in a good time frame.

Feel free to PM the link and I'll have a look for you.

Personally I love crap jokes but it’s best to work up to them 😁

I think it is tough for guys on OLD because so many men on there are absolute scumbags and women are inundated with messages from them.

Be genuine. Make sure the message is about things she’s written about herself. Make sure your profile is honest and reflects your personality.

And get to a dance class - a bit of fun and confidence building if nothing else!

Yes, I second the dancing. I know a couple of guys who've met their partners at Ceroc.

How's your profile pic? Hopefully no photos of you with a large dead fish, or a drugged tiger from a Far East holiday? Or with a load of mates looking pissed, or even one with your Ex obviously cropped out? And no bathroom mirror selfies, scowling, looking down and revealing a filthy toilet or a pile of dirty washing in the background, I hope!

Yes, ideally a candid photo of you smiling in a social situation would be ideal if you have one!

I don’t honestly give a toss what blokes look like, I’m rarely attracted to someone’s appearance over everything else (Jack Black is my dream man 😂) but you can tell a lot about someone from the photos they choose.

And if you have any skills / passions, make sure you mention them - I’d be much more likely to respond to a man who is musical and loves to sing, or a man who’d actually enjoy sitting through a foreign film festival with me, etc etc.

Sorry to hear this. It's better to be on your own than in a shit relationship, but I do feel your pain . Maybe join a gym and then you'll meet people that way

What about park run? I know lots of single women that have joined up to get fit as it’s a nice sociable thing to do and there are people of all levels doing it.

Well it certainly sounds as though giving dancing a go may be worthwhile!

I have to get fitter so it'll probably kill 2 birds with one stone

I did wonder about all the dead fish comments and just pictured people with pictures holding a random trout....then realised it was probably about carp fishing...and nope I don't have any pics of that on my profile!