Caught out

[BeepBeepBop1]

So I've just discovered my bf of 1 year has been lying and cheating. He claims to work away during the week but is actually with his "estranged" wife and kids. Weekends when he has the kids I don't see him but he's with them. I've gave him all the chances under the sun to admit it, but he thinks he's so clever lying. Unfortunately one of his friends messaged me and provided evidence. He doesn't know I know, I'm broken but deciding how to play this out. Do I just present him with all the facts? I've decided to inform his wife as I feel sorry for her being cheated on as well.

We work in similar circles so I'm not going to hide from anyone but I'm not going to air dirty laundry in public either. I just can't believe I was stupid enough to believe his shit. I've had suspicions but he always had a plausible excuses but now it's so obvious looking back. He's emotionally abusive and controlling but I don't think he'll see this coming. I want to be able to be strong enough to confront him without him twisting and turning the facts.

Sounds like you have it in hand. I’d just forward his wife the evidence message you got from a friend because she probably knows the friend too.

Don’t go back. Don’t listen to his lies or excuses. Moving on is the best form of revenge. Don’t let him see you cry.
I’m sorry this happened to you x

Well message sent and I have a reply. She's in shock and suspected he was playing away but had no proof, but now she does. She has thanked me for giving her the information and packed him a bag.

Get the key. It will be in a pocket if he doesn't want to hand it over but he might.

Good luck, better things are ahead.

Well done @BeepBeepBop1

Beepbeep bop; I would definitely let the wife know. I’m in a similar situation but I just wish I had your conviction and courage about cutting a liar out if my life. You deserve far better and you’re so right to go NC; but I know you must be gutted and wanted to send my love. Well done on being so brave x

@Capricornandproud I'm heart broken but realise I wasn't in a relationship with someone who really cared as that's not how you treat them. NC is hard I've went to unblock him a couple of times but instead I've took the dog out, cried and watched crappy tv with my friends. I hope you're ok x

Well done for letting his wife know. I'm always perplexed by ppl saying don't tell her.

I would always want to know if my H was cheating and would never shoot the messenger.

Thanks to the person who told you as well. They must have been pissed off with him cheating and probably being smug about it.

Oh well done OP. You’re really inspirational. I can’t get definite proof of lying in my case and it makes it harder. I’ve tried to end it and find the NC so so hard but you’ve made me realise tonight that nothing is worth it. And you know yourself, the heartbreak gets easier every day - just take it one day at a time. You’re incredibly strong and to keep your self respect and integrity is amazing xx

And Sandy is right; I would ALWAYS want to know the truth regardless of the method OR the motive. Every time.

Hi everyone. So last night was very hard. NC was nearly broken at about 2am because I just wanted answers but forced myself to hide my phone. His wife messaged to say she's thrown him out and is finished with him. I've apologised again and asked her to not keep me informed so I can close this chapter of my life and move on.

It's going to take awhile to move on, especially as we are at a joint event on Friday so I will have to see him. I have to be professional but not compromise my own healing I think.

Thanks again to everyone who got in touch yesterday, it's meant a lot. Xx

I would just cut and go but he's got keys to my house, I need those back.
Get your locks changed - easier, better for your peace of mind and possibly quicker. Also how do you know he won't have another set cut first?

Oops sorry I'm behind the curve well done you on all counts. Stay strong - he's really not worth tears or heartache. What a fool he is - I hope he sees that soon, but I doubt it.
Take care. 🌺

Sounds as though the event may be difficult. Try to do some 'scenario planning' so that you can respond to anything he says to you without being on the backfoot. Either he'll be relieved that he's no longer living a lie or he'll be desperate to save face and will try to wheedle his way back in with you now his wife has thrown him out. Stay strong and be resolute that you don't need to continue what was a bad relationship with a lying tosser. You deserve better.

Agree with a bit of scenario planning for the event on Friday (and other work events going forward if you are likely to bump into him). Hopefully he will be to ashamed to face you but arseholes like this never are.

Keep on keeping on! I think you've handled a shit situation really well.

Thank you. I've been preempting conversations in my head to prepare and planning on sticking to the if it's work related I'll respond anything else just politely excuse myself. It's the thought of having to look at him that is eating me up. All the lies he told and promises. That's what I can't come to terms with is why? Why would you do that to another person? How can you say and do so much but it means absolutely nothing. What did he think would happen? Just goes to show how spineless, hurtful and deceitful people can be.

Fwiw, you may well find it helpful to say that to him. Might make no difference to him, but if it helps you then why not?

Be prepared for him to say that he didn't want to hurt his wife or his kids, etc. Also be prepared for him to blame you. He's brought this on himself, but he's unlikely to be thinking like that.

Just updating as finding today really difficult as we were supposed to be going to a family wedding today.

I've had cards, flowers and letters begging me to talk to him. He's even sent solicitor appointment letters to prove he was ready to leave his wife and hoped I never find out about the lies and just moved on. Do I believe him NO!

Work has been difficult and I avoided him as much as possible but I've had to take some time off as explaining to people when they ask is emotionally killing me.

I still can't comprehend why someone would hurt so many people. If he really wanted me he would've been honest and left his other relationship.

Thank you again for the advice and support people have given me.

Stay strong Op.