Love or lust?

[SENDMumma]

Just that really!

Exdp & I split up at long last 6 months ago after 20 year relationship. I don't even miss him.

I met up with an old friend. Had so much fun for 3 months but I ended it. I have young dc. His are adults. Our lives are at very different points.

My head says no but my heart says yes. I miss him so much & want to call him.

I've never felt like this. I'm a middle aged mum but behaving like a love sick teenager...

How do I know if I love him?

Bump

These feelings don't have to be mutually exclusive.

However, to tell them apart try to imagine yourselves 30 years from now on a rainy afternoon. Would you be fine spending the entire day at home with nothing new to say and low level irritation ?

If yes then it's love. But answering yes now doesn't guarantee things will work out in the future.

Every day I miss him more.

He's an absolute pain in the arse.
But the thought of not seeing him again is unbearable.

Probably lust. Those first few months do funny things to your brain

How do you know if it's just lust?

I don't particularly want to have sex with him. As a postmenopausal mother of 6, my labido isn't great!

I just miss his company, talking to him & his sense of humour.

What have you got to lose?

Why did you end it?

Yes, why did you end it? And just for the record OP, it is perfectly natural to miss him so much while you are re adjusting to your old . It doesn’t have to be love or infatuation, just shock.

So, it’s not about sex. Fair enough. But is it the attention you are missing, or is it him?

If your 20y relationship was pretty dismal/passionless, it could be that you’re craving someone - anyone - who is demonstrably interested in you and this fella came along at the right time.

Why you split is relevant too, maybe?

I decided to end it as I an struggling to make time to see him.

Everything with the dc plus adjusting to not having exdp at home.
2 of my dc have SN & it's pretty tough on a day to day basis.

My 17 yr old dd found out I was seeing someone & was clearly unimpressed.

I loved his company. He could chat for hours. We cohkd talk a bout ev everything & anything or nothing at all...

His dc are adults. He's semi retired. Planning trips around Asia where as my youngest is 5 & I will be a Carer for my boys forever. I would never be able to go away with him on holiday or any of his trips.

He's not charming or compmimentry but good company.

I wasn't looking for a relationship but it sort of happened.

Now I miss him terribly but I'm struggling to verbalise why exactly.

Op, I think you have done the right thing even if you loved him. You are in different times of your life, you are still raising children, he is trying to make the best out of his retirement and you will end up threading on each other toes.

Can you keep him as a friend? I’m not saying friends with benefits but just a friend whose company you enjoy. I think is easier to let a friend do what they have to do, follow they dreams and deal with their own responsibilities than do so with a partner (basically, you wouldn’t feel let down if he disappears to Asia for a few weeks, and you wouldn’t feel bad if you have to disappear for a few weeks if you need to concentrate on your children)