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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please give me some perspective...stay put or go?

3 replies

TinyDancer69 · 27/05/2019 22:53

I’ve posted on Mumsnet in the past about this issue. But it keeps popping up and my head is all over the place trying to do the right thing for me and DS. I seem completely unable to make a decision, so please bear with me...

I am a single parent to my almost 7 year old DS. We have lived in this town now for 4 years, following the breakdown of my relationship with DS’ father. DS sees his dad EOW and once during the week. They have a good relationship and we get along pretty well, which did take time after we broke up.He lives about 30 mins from us.

My problem is twofold: I am alone here, no family or support network nearby apart from ex-DP and a couple of friends. I often feel acutely lonely and sometimes it’s a struggle to stay positive. I thought that when DS started school we would both meet friends and things would get better.

But DS is just finishing Year 2 and has struggled to make friends at school. He did have a ‘best’ friend in Year 1, but he seems to have moved on to another group of boys. DS isn’t upset so much but does tell me some of the kids tell him he’s annoying, which breaks my heart and just fuels the fire of my own loneliness.

Essentially I’m a single parent in a town where I have no roots and the thought of going through another year like this makes me incredibly sad.

I have tried to settle here because it’s a lovely town with good schools, nice people and DS dad isn’t too far. But I keep thinking about moving to my hometown where my family are (sister and aunt and cousins- both my parents are dead). They would be able to provide some support but more importantly emotional support. And my job is flexible so that’s not a barrier. However DS’ dad would be heartbroken and would only see him EOW.

I’ve completely lost sight of what is best but the thought of feeling like this for the next 10 years fills me with dread 😟 I just wonder if fate or my own gut feeling is telling me to go but until now I’ve ignored it...Sad

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/05/2019 22:57

Personally there are more pros than cons in your post. Is it mega far away from the ex. He lives 30 minutes away now? Did he move that far away from you both?

TinyDancer69 · 27/05/2019 23:01

Thanks Gamer. We moved away from him after the split. It was a difficult time and my DM was also ill at the time. If we move we’ll be at least an hour from ex-DP.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/05/2019 11:01

An hour is fine. My daughter lives an hour away and we visit regularly.

Why don't you discuss it with the people in your life and see how real you can make it in your head first. There could be a compromise you can come to with your ex. Just don't keep it to yourself and wishing. Sometimes more heads can make things happen.

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