‘Unsupportive’ DH

[Cloud9889]

I’ve recently had my third child. My husband is currently on leave so I expect him to help equally with the children. I’m breastfeeding so he obviously can’t do that much with my always hungry baby but im finding it hard to do things like check why the dishwasher is leaking, put the new cot together. I feel like such a nag as I ask him to help with these things for about a week and he gets angry that I ask him and it takes him even longer to do things! I get that he doesn’t want to be nagged but I’m feeling overwhelmed right now with 3 young kids and perhaps putting the cot together instead of going on your phone for 15 minutes might help me just that bit? I’m finding it worse that whenever I ask him to do things he can get quite stroppy, like can you help with the DCs tea. He’s happy to do the things he wants to do (like tidy up when he can be bothered) but it’s just getting me down that I don’t feel like he will help me out with things very happily like getting tea ready etc without me feeling like a nag. I mean he is on leave for God’s sake! Sorry I just need to rant!!!
On a more personal level he also complains about our lack of sex life but apart from being knackered running after 3 kids - the resentment I’m feeling for him right now is not exactly making me feel ‘up for it!!’

Please stop asking him to “help”. Instead, demand that he steps up to co-parent his children.
If you call it “helping”, you’re accepting that ALL the chores and childcare are your responsibility, not his, and he is doing a great favour by graciously assisting occasionally.
The two of you need a serious discussion about the division of labour in your relationship, with him doing a regular fair share.

How old is your new baby?

16 weeks

When my dh does this I'm petty and say ' oh don't worry I was talking to Sarah's dh in the corner shop and he said he'd come and help me put the cot together'

Every time he leaps up to do it as though he can't have another man on his turf

Might not help with the sex bit though

He’s always said he hates being told what to do. But I mean for gods sake . I don’t exactly like breastfeeding for hours a day or wiping bums or cleaning bins - you just do it right?!

Haha I should try that one @bigchris

I guess this selective laziness isn’t a recent development, which begs the question, why did you have a third child with him?

This is who he is, why can’t you accept it and make decisions based on who he is as opposed to who you want home to be.

@agentjohnson he isn’t always this way but I would just appreciate more help in my ‘hour of need’ so to speak

He demands sex yet can't be arsed to do anything. Kill him and bury him under the patio. Or just tell him outright that as he can't be bothered to pull his weight you can't be bothered with sex. Really.....I feel outraged for you.