How would you feel if your dp came back from a week away and then after a quick catchup sat on his computer game for 3 hours having to be asked to come to bed at half 12, then said he felt “distant” from me and then admitted that although it sounded crazy, when he hugged me when he got in he felt “wary”, he felt like I was an “impostor” and “not the real you”. He has anxiety, is on SSRIs, but he’s never said anything like this. I was a little upset and confused, probed a little asking in what way he had felt that and what he thought might have caused it. He got very irritable and said I should “drop it”, he didn’t know what it was about and I was “making a big deal/making it all about me” and should just let him go to sleep. He then went to sleep in a huff leaving me reeling. (It was about midnight but aside from a brief catchup on getting in he had then spent 3 hours gaming and had to be asked to come to bed, so I wasn’t trying to keep him up, I just was so surprised by what he said.
I’m meant to be marrying this guy in 4 months. I guess I’m posting because I feel like my needs/emotions frustrate him and it’s breaking me. I feel like if he has so little time for me now, our marriage will falter quickly. The previous night while still away I texted him moaning about my sister and he replied saying he didn’t have sympathy because I should “do something” instead of moaning (his suggestion was cutting contact and moving to another part of our city to be away from her.)
I texted him last week after having a minor panic attack at work; something I have been suffering with since being put at risk of redundancy. He said I need to be doing cbt not telling him about this stuff, and again “flounced off” via text.
I know I can be hard to live with. I can be needy and emotional especially when he’s angry with me. But it feels like he has such a short leash for me. It really is destroying me and I’m so devastated that I might be making a huge mistake. I was just so sad and hurt after he said the thing about having felt I was an “impostor me” (?!)- I don’t know how someone else would react to that?! Is there a “right” way? But he just shut me down. Yet again.
I want us to work so much for so many reasons and he sometimes seems to not even like me.
Feeling really low right now so any insight into that jumbled mix of stuff is welcome.