Victim mentality - can it be dealt with?

[TiredofVictim]

I read this article about signs that someone has a “victim mentality” - www.lifehack.org/287448/14-signs-someone-always-playing-the-victim

I discovered that this is my boyfriend with whom I live together (relationship is three years long). What do I do about it? Is there anything I can do? I’m starting to feel giving up. Don’t get me wrong, he is super nice and good person most of the time, but in everything he does or thinks the “victim mentality” sneaks out and this is what constantly bugs me. Now, I finally found a definition of his behaviour thanks to this article.

He has experienced bullying at school when young, so this, I guess, has contributed to his behaviour. However, no matter what I do, nothing helps. I give him different perspectives, I give him positive outlooks, I encourage him, I reason with him. Nothing. I have suggested counselling; he said he does not need it.

Well, he finally figured it out himself, when we had a little bit of crisis, that he should go and see a therapist. He is very happy about it, but honestly, I think the therapist was not that good. According to my boyfriend - they focused on delaying things, activities etc (I think it's called procrastination?) (as he figured it was his issue at the time), they did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, he was given no tasks to do at home besides “thinking about things”, it took altogether 5 sessions (of which first was to decide if and what issue he has, during one session they talked about his bullying experience, then they talked about his need to compare himself to others and the remaining two they talked about how’s it going). And I do not see much change. In my experience, when I had nearly 7 years ago the same therapy with another counsellor, it took like at least 10 sessions, I had all kinds of tasks to do in between the sessions, write stuff down etc. And it really helped me.
Anyway, the point is, I feel I cannot suggest counselling anymore also, because he has already done it.

Should I show him the article perhaps? I do not know.. I'm actually afraid that perhaps I do not love him so much (anymore) to take the road to really help him, because he is rather draining emotionally for me already. Or is it worth it, helping him?

You can't rely on him changing so if you can't put up with him how he is then leave.

I can’t click on that link as it keeps giving me annoying pop ups, not sure if it’s a MN problem or a prob with that website. Anyone else getting the same?

Trying to read it as my BF accuses me of having a victim mentality too and I want to see if it adds up.

Therapy for a deep rooted issue takes far more than five sessions. Unfortunately the NHS normally only offers a very short course for all but the most complex cases, so if he wants more he'd need to go private.

Hate 'playing the victim'... This rhetoric is generally used against women. There is nothing wrong with being a victim. There is smt vile about coming up with a term that belittles that experience. Come up with better language?!? Talk about capacity building, bla bla bla. But leave off the victim blaming stuff.

Watch out for men who accuse women of "victim mentality". This is often in response to being called on abusive behaviour, to gaslight the woman into believing that her rational assessment of the situation is actually a symptom of her "mental illness".

Conversely, many abusers do exhibit victim mentality. They consider themselves the victim of their victim.