Panicking not going to meet anyone

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I’ve always been a very calm and rational person (most of the time anyway ). Understand that it’s far better to be alone than in the wrong relationship etc. I’ve been single for many years and very, very happy on my own.

I’m quite sorted in life, stable job, good circle of friends and family, hobbies etc. No major issues except dating an emotionally abusive twat last year, my history is mostly of dating nice guys who I never felt the spark for and not ending it sooner. But I’ve learnt my lessons.

Now I feel ready to meet someone special - I know what I’m looking for in a parent after years of dating - and start a family. But as I’m approaching 35, I’m shit scared it’s not going to happen in time.

I’ve joined several dating sites but hardly ANY men like or message me. On bumble yes, but I’m looking for more than just a hook up at this stage in my life.

I’m using the same pics from a few years ago, when I got loads of interest, so I suspect men are flirting out me based on my age. My other similar aged female friends are experiencing the same. Most men are age seem to want partners less than 30. And that’s a good way to filter those men out as well. But there are fewer older men on the market and I can’t stomach all the 60 year olds liking me 😩

So my friends and I have decided to start going out and talking to men out and about. I, for example, know I get loads of attention in real life and need to put more effort into talking to men. Also am going to join a few groups on meet-up.

Despite all my proactive thinking and efforts, I’m so worried I’m not going to meet someone, settle down and have a child or two with them. I only have a few years left realistically. And the chances of meeting someone is fairly low is you cram it into just a few years at best. And dating is such a drag.

Just having a moan, I guess and looking for support. Thank you xx

PS don’t want to have a baby on my own etc have thought about it but it’s just too much for me.

I should add I’d really like to be with someone I am sure about, really fall in love with. I’ve been in relationships with good men but without the spark - id rather be alone than in another one of those. Maybe it is time to hang up my apron? Sorry for the self pity! I just want to be in loving relationship! Maybe my time won’t come

Hi op , I don't have any advice but wanted to say I understand how you feel albeit a couple of years younger but I have been single a long time too . I don't blame you for not wanting to be a single parent as it is very hard work not only physically but also emotionally I wish I had made sure it was the right one . I have given up but please don't. I hope it happens for you and know that you are not alone . Hugs to you and all the best

Aw thank you for your encouraging message @rejected2012 but please don’t give up! I wasn’t in this pickle a couple years ago - time makes all the difference (if a family is what you wish for). Hugs to you xx

I’m younger than you but have given up. I’ve been on dozens (if not hundreds) of dates but haven’t had a boyfriend for years. Everyone says I’m attractive and interesting. The last straw has been a guy I dated a couple of times who is now harassing me and I’ve had to get the police involved. It feels like the final insult and I certainly won’t be bothering any more now. OP, I admire your tenacity in continuing to try everything you can to meet someone. I hope you succeed.

I am already a single mum and I wouldn't encourage anyone to go into it willingly because I wouldn't have if i knew. I like to think a single person with no child has more chances of meeting someone so I say stick it out and definitely try it the old fashioned way I think you would have a better chance .

Are you very picky?

Speaking as a single parent, I have found it difficult but very rewarding. Much more rewarding than any romantic relationship.
I'm 42 and have recently realised (took me bloody long enough) that the vast majority of men who are in successful marriages or relationships have achieved this due to the tolerance of their partners. Women are far from perfect too but we still live in a society which is geared to accommodate the needs of men much more than women. I am sure some will disagree but this is based on my own personal research. I don't claim it's scientific!
I am still looking for a decent man to share some of my time with but with the knowledge that I won't find mr right because he doesn't exist!

op, you are still young and have everything going for you. You are right to get out there and actually meet real men, not just OLD.

Say yes to as many invitations as you can, that spark may pop up somewhere unexpected.

@Ash559 I have standards, don’t consider myself particularly picky. I’ve had boyfriends over the years, even given it a go with some where I felt the spark could grow, but never did

@SonataDentata maybe take a well deserved break and start again. Dating is exhausting and there are many undesirables out there. And men seem to think they have it hard!

@Seniorschoolmum thank you xx

@MrsJasonIsbell agreed!