I don’t think MIL likes me :(

[Littlegemz]

So a bit of back story, my partner and I have been together for 5 years, during this time I have my mil has always been a bit off with me on the sly. I’d catch her looking at me in a very cold way or she’d abruptly interrupt conversations I’m having with others. And when DP and I found out I was pregnant she didn’t say congrats, just ‘oh, ok’ and I could tell by her face she was no happy almost disappointed. DD wasn’t planned so they told DP that next time ‘we’ should be careful not to have another until we are married however I wasn’t there.

Anyway fast forward, it’s BIL bday and MIL decides to post on social media about how is such an amazing son, husband, father and uncle and includes all these family photos including DD but no mention of me or inclusion. While SIL got included in a post got my DPs birthday! I know it may sound pathetic but I feel like it’s almost her way of saying she doesn’t view me as part of the family and this makes me . I have asked her before if she is ok with me and she’ll always say ‘of course you know I love you’ but it’s just these sly little things that make me think there is something underlining that she won’t say.

Think your instinct re she not liking you is spot on but that is her issue and not yours to own or otherwise carry.

What does your partner think of his mother's behaviours?. What is his relationship like with her these days?. He is key here.

My MIL doesn’t like me, and to be honest I don’t much like her either we’re very different people.

However, she’s shallow enough to be polite to my face and hasn’t tried bitching about me and my family to DH for a while so generally I don’t let it bother me. It does upset DH occasionally that she doesn’t “approve” of his choice but OTOH he accepts that she and him also have v different values, so it makes sense he ends up making life choices she’s not on board with.

I think if your MIL contains her dislike of you to subtle signs on social media you should probably just accept there’s not going to be much of a relationship there and aim for polite and friendly interactions without getting too invested.

She may be old fashioned and feel ashamed that you are producing an illegitimate child which reflects badly on her family. She may not even regard you as part of the family unless or until you and her son get married. Or she may simply not like you as a person - not everyone is compatible.
You are probably best advised to see as little of her as possible and be polite, neutral and unforthcoming when you do.

@Attila, DP thinks I’m being too sensitive and doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour. Their relationship, well I would say DP isn’t that close to her.. won’t call or visit and can at times be disrespectful but if he had a word with her she would tow the line and visa Versa. They have an odd relationship if you ask me! MIL treats DP more like a husband but hey ho.

@Forthelove, maybe I should just put up with the fake nicesty but I guess I just don’t like the underlining negative vibe. And I would just ask DP to go there alone with DD but he doesn’t like to.

I think @Babdoc is right.

My mil is lively at times (she is an amazing gran which makes up for a lot) but she was always a little off with sil partner until they got married. They were together many, many years but didn't marry until a couple of years ago and I could see a difference in how I was treated compared to how he was treated.

Some people are just old fashioned and think marriage is what makes the family.

I wouldn't take it too personally as it says all about her and not her about you as a person.

Just block her on sm. You don't need to see her rubbish.

Treats DH more like a husband?! There's nothing hey ho about that, it's serious stuff. Emotional incest, which is extremely damaging and fucked up.

MIL treats DP more like a husband

After reading your 1st post, I was going to ask whether your DP was MIL's substitute husband as she seemed to be acting strangely jealous. Your 2nd post shows that you have already questioned this, yourself.

Have you read up on parentification and covert incest (it's not sexual, it's emotional, but very damaging all the same)?

I believe your MIL sees you as some sort of other woman figure who stole her "husband" away.

Try not to let it get to you. My mil doesnt like me but I don't give a toss. She makes sly comments about me. Like how my son struggles with maths and he must get it from me. Today we went somewhere for breakfast and she was there. I smiled and she just said you wont get a table its packed.. So we went somewhere else instead. I felt she didn't really want us there. She doesn't have a good word to say about my bil and his girlfriend but took them out for a meal the day she said she would watch our kids while we moved house. Just after we got married i had an early mc on my honeymoon. All she said was well it won't be long before shes pregnant again.

@thecats, I hear you. I suppose for me it’s more sometimes I wish people would just say it as it is.. my family our much like that so I suppose I’m used to that as opposed to fakeness.

As for MIL and DP relationship. I just looked up parentfication I don’t know! Just because he can be very disrespectful to his mum, but his dad is exactly the same. It’s almost like his relationship with his Mum replicates the one his dad has with his Mum. Even seen messages from MIL to DP saying ‘Dad doesn’t know I’m telling you this’.. then shit why the hell are you telling him. But at the same time DP would go weeks without talking to her but the moment she says jump. Put it this way out of the top 3 women/girls in his life it would most likely go 1. Mum, 2. DD 3. Me.. not that he’d admit to that.

As already previously mentioned it could be simply that she sees you as her sons girlfriend so not part of her family.
Dont waste to much energy on worrying about her though.

Why are you wanting her approval? Shrug it off and just smirk back at her.