Single Life loneliness

[Danpitt]

This probably isn't the right place for a man to look for advice but i thought where else can i get an honest opinion.
I've been single six years and find it really hard to meet women.
Online dating has destroyed my confidence, I have gone nine months without a match on Tinder, get abuse when i send messages on Pof, I payed £120 for a year on match and got no replies or messages sent to me.
Should I give up now as I believe there must be something wrong with the way I look when everyone else I know gets multiple matches, dates and even sex without a problem.
I'm in my late 30's and 95% of my friends are married with kids and the other 5% are mentioned above.
I just feel so lonely and isolated, i even tried speed dating and never matched with nobody.
Is there anyway of getting a foot in the door without being judged on a photo?

Maybe mention the last box set you got into and the last type of ‘night out’? It gives someone more of an idea about you and gives them an option to contact you with that as an opener?

Ie, do you go out to stand up comedy or festivals? Or nightclubs or meals out? Do you prefer country pubs or Asian food? Where did you last go on holiday and where do you fancy going? Is a city break your kind of thing? Or sea and sand? Do you like cooking Italian or Middle Eastern?

Eesha, you have to remember - its a million times easier for a woman to meet a bloke, than for a man to meet a woman online.

I don’t think that’s the case unless you’re a total stunner!
And then 90% will just be dickheads

If you like running and cycling have you joined any clubs? I’d say the best way to meet somebody is through hobbies

Theres no passion in that profile, OP. Like the others have said, its very bland and 'meh'. I wouldnt bother messaging you or replying, tbh, because it looks like you havent really put much effort into your profile, and thus i would assume you are probably just playing at dating and only looking for a shag.

Go into a bit of detail - talk about what your favourite food is, what you like to cook. What do you like watching on tv, whats the best night out you've ever had, have you got a specific ambition?

You need to give women something to respond to, if you want them to respond!

Can we see a pic

Opening lines differ: these are a few
Hi, if you could go anywhere in the world at the drop of a hat where would you go?
Hi, if you won the lottery what's the first thing you'd buy?
Your tattoo looks really cool, does it have a specific meaning and did it hurt?

Why are you concerned about "without a photo"? Do you feel unattractive? Very few people are ever successful online dating without a photo.

If you want real-life ways to meet women, i suggest you train as a primary teacher, join a book group, volunteer with an animal charity, or do a creative arts evening class. These places are PACKED with women.

I'm going to be blunt, OP - your profile reads like it's been written by a profile generator. It's generic and bland. That's not to say you are - but you need to inject your personality into it. As PP say-what was the last box set you watched? Did you enjoy it? Why/why not? And repeat throughout.

Back in the days when I dated, I didn't have stunning pictures, but I did make my profile so that my personality came through. It didn't end up with me finding my Prince even so - but the longest relationship I had out of it was six years and was longer than my marriage

I don't believe in the idea of "the one" - but though I would have responded to you if you sent me a message (assuming it wasn't hi/how's you/a picture of your genitalia) I wouldn't have initiated contact as your profile doesn't tell me anything about you the person.

I don't know how to send pics on here. Sorry.

Your opening lines are generic, as well!!! The tattoo one is good, and usually people with interesting tats are only too happy to chat about them. Pick something in their profile, and ask about it, comment positively about it, just make them feel like an individual.

And for your opening message - show that you've read her profile: I loved your pictures with the penguins - I've always wanted to go to South Africa! Got any recommendations for me? (Or something)

Your openers sound like generic ice breaker messages that you used to be able to select on dating sites

Dont send pictures on here. Get your actual friends to vet them. Are you smiling, outdoors, NOT holding a fucking fish or a bike?

funny great minds

@Danpitt

Click on the paper clip and add a pic from your phone or pc.

No one's profile pic is that bad!

X post. Or with a car. Even if it's yours.

I’d think you’d copy and pasted those first two questions and sent them to every woman on the site rather than taking time to look at my page and comment on something about it. Even, “I like your 3rd pic a lot, it looks like you’re on holiday somewhere nice. I like to travel too - if you could go anywhere in the world at the drop of a hat where would you go? I’d love to visit Borneo!” Is better than just the question alone. It shows slightly more effort and personality.

OP do you know you've posted these publicly now?

Anyway, I don't think your looks would be a problem, but it would be better if you gave some smiley non-selfie pictures, maybe taken while out with friends or family, no sunglasses unless outdoors.

I didn't see your photos danpitt, but the previous poster did, and she doesn't think there was a problem with them. I suppose the problem with OLD is that your personality doesn't come across. My DS has no problem getting interest from the girls, despite the fact that he shaves his head, has a nose broken several times playing rugby, and usually sports a stubbly chin. His personality is crazy and he can laugh for England. If he was using OLD he'd get nowhere!

It’s the opposite though - your personality does come across - or at least those people with interesting personalities tend to sound interesting from their profiles.

Anyone who’s spent any time on OLD as a woman looking for a man can tell you that you really can’t sift just by looks. So many men have such absolutely terrible photos they could be the hottest man on earth and you’d never know. So you look for anything that piques your interest. So if your son shows his love of rugby and outgoing personality in his profile, he would get interest from women who liked that, broken nose or not. If, however, he sent dull opening messages, couldn’t carry on a conversation, had a poorly-spelled or punctuated profile, or just sounded as plodding and mundane as 99% of men in these sites do, he wouldn’t. Honestly, spend ten minutes scrolling and you’d despair as how characterless and bland most men come across. I’m sure they’re not like that at all! But poor photo choices and dull profiles mean you’ll get no likes. Which is just like real life!

Yes I would be more specific eg love going out to eat, my favourite places are Nandos/Las Iguanas (or whatever). I love cooking and try and recreate my favourite Peri Peri chicken at home which doesn't always go so well :-( The "nights in or out" is a cliché although undoubtedly true to be avoided at all costs.
My ideal holiday would be walking in the Lakes/skiing/sunning myself on the beach (or whatever). Just need someone to do it with.
My career is very important to me and I am currently in a fantastic job in Marketing/IT/whatever it is.
I have an amazing daughter who I love spending time with and am a world expert on JoJo Siwa (or whatever)
Think you need to pad your blurb out a bit with a bit of humour and let your personality come across, it is currently a cliché from start to finish and I am sure with a bit of effort and a few tweaks people will definitely give you a second look. Good Luck!!