Partner staying at (ex) wife's house looking after kids

[Runbikeswim]

My partner lives a considerable distance away from his kids. He has been spilt from his wife for 6 years but they are not divorced. Long relationship with her prior to that. He has gone there for 10 days to look after the kids as ex w has had an operation. He is staying in their house. He is looking after her too I assume and is also staying on for the first few days of half term. I know he's not happy in his job and has been talking about getting a new job back in the UK.

Emotionally I've given up making myself vulnerable to a certain extent but thought I'd try and connect yesterday and was honest and told him I was feeling a bit insecure but that I realized it was my problem as it was nice of him to be doing what he was doing etc he was really dismissive and a bit patronizing and cross that I was making him feel guilty. I just wanted to talk and connect though, not guilt trip him. Today I feel defeated. I'm sick of not being seen or heard. But maybe I'm too needy?

Trouble is he was dishonest with me when we first got together and at the time I was so smitten I overlooked it and explained it away as understandable. If I'm honest don't 100% trust him but he is good company and our respective kids get on like a house on fire, we have joint friends etc etc

He can be really selfish. He doesn't really have my back if it doesn't suit him unless I really get fed up and make that abundantly clear. It's such hard work.

I can't see myself being happy long term but I'm scared of being alone . It's pathetic I know and I feel awful.

Help !!

Why are they not divorced and what was he dishonest about?

Not divorced AFAIK because they never get around to the financial disclosure AKA god only knows.

He lied about how long they had been apart and how much time he still spent there - but his kids were small so I overlooked it.

How long have you been together?

My other half was separated from his wife about 7 years ish before they got round to the divorce. Still amicable, she stayed in the house with the kids. He moved out. Birthdays, xmas, that sort of thing, he used to stay over, especially when the kids were young. Then again, the kids had every right to see or wake up to both parents on their special day, and I trusted him. We are still together now, they are fully divorced, the kids are happy and adjusted, I have a good relationship with them and it's all turned out ok. I get the insecurity, and MN is awful for people who seem to have zero tolerance for men in general lol. Just wanted to say, it does work out ok. Not every man is incapable of staying in the same 4 walls as a female without shagging them. And it's always good for a child and their dad to have as close a bond as possible. And they will appreciate you for allowing that

Yeah Bailey thanks I feel it is right to support his support of the kids and the ex - but it's my lack of trust in him generally that's the issue 🙁

Are you both abroad and ex is in the U.K.?

There was an overlap between me and her I think - although he has never admitted it. He had rented a house near theirs but I heard from someone else later who know the ex that it was supposedly a trial separation until it became permanent.

Yes ex is in UK we are not.