First Relate session - mixed feelings

[Birthdayshit]

Not sure how I feel about our session. Initially thought it went well but now I'm not so sure.

During the discussion my partner said

• that when we first met he didn't find me physically attractive and I was more overweight than he was looking for (I was a size 14)
• that he doesn't see how our relationship can be saved
• when asked by the counsellor why we were still together, he basically said he was grateful that I'd stuck by him through several recent years of absolute hell (including unemployment, bereavement, serious illness, court proceedings, MH issues) and he felt indebted to me/ didn't think he'd find anyone else. My answer was that I love and care for him, value him and hope we can try and rebuild to the happy relationship we once had.

-he also said he didn't understand why I wasn't angry about the problems in our relationship because he is furious about them and I dont care (I do care, I just don't need a toddler tantrum to show that).

Afterwards he said I need to make more effort with him. I corrected him and said actually I think we BOTH need to make more effort. He likes to paint it as he does everything but that isn't the case.

I'm not sure it can be fixed. And I'm pretty irritated by what he said.

It makes perfect sense if he wants out but would rather make you do all the hard work of actually leaving.

He could just end it. He has a place of his own, not like he has nowhere to go. And he did say in our session that he didn't think he would find anyone else so if we did split up he would be on his own (he has never been single for more than 6 months and that was immediately before we met. Prior to that he literally went from one relationship to another with no gap).

I'd think he's reqritt history to justify his behaviour to himself.
DH did that in an argument once. Rewrote history, can't remember his exact words but said things had been bad for years and how horrible I'd been to him. The way he said it was cruel, and I just came straight back with "if things are that horrible. and you think that of me we should split up". He definitely didn't want to split, he just wanted to blame me and make me feel bad so I'd back down. I wish we'd broken up then the first time he was like that. He lashes out when he's angry and some of the things he says are cruel.