Good morning.
I’ve been recommended on a different thread to come to Relationships to ask for help with my complicated situation so here I am. Thanks in advance to anyone who wants to read and advise...
My recent ex and I went out for seven months (long distance, about two hours away by train) after meeting at university, we were friends first. I’m 2-3 years older. We had a lot in common and really enjoyed each other’s company when together, but it was up and down and he would withdraw and I would get upset which he hated. He ended things after I attempted suicide - I’d been in a very manipulative bullying situation at work and have had mental health issues and essentially slid back to a very dark place. He said a lot of contradictory things at the time but ended up just saying it was over and I was better off without him and to leave him alone. I have now left him alone and not tried to contact him for a month.
At the moment I’m in two different kinds of counselling/therapy and doing better than I ever have before, although I am living with my incredibly controlling and nasty mother and trying to move out before that does any more damage. I am making plans for next year and he may be in a similar city to me next year though I don’t know his plans.
So basically I am in a situation where I’m optimistic about the future and will be living independently, so whatever happens with him I’ll be fine. I am thinking about getting back in touch with him and, again, will be fine whatever the outcome of that is. I want to get back in touch with him because a lot of times in the past he’s pushed me away in anger and then been grateful that I’ve reached out after things have calmed down, and even days before he left he was saying lots of positive things. There are so many things I like about him that are more than worth the difficulty, although I can see that from his perspective I might not be worth the difficulty. The thing is that I want to give it one last try when I’m doing much better and can be more supportive and better for him, if he still wants me, and from what he said over the ups and downs of when we were together I think he wants to be with me at least partly, but I don’t know.
My question is not whether I’m doing the right thing but how to go about it! Particularly if anyone is the type of person who needs lots of space or has got back together after a similar situation. Even if there’s a chance just to preserve the friendship I just don’t want to screw up if I can help it! Thank you so much in advance. And have a lovely bank holiday if you’re reading 