Mental breakdown- husband is no help!

[Melanie1811]

I work 2 jobs 60/70hours a week. I study part time uni too while having a toddler and we have a bed bugs infestations we are dealing with forever. My partner just decided to go with friends to Birmingham for two days, because I’m “off” for two days. I have a final essay and exam in 4 days. I haven’t slept properly in 2weeks and I got bites all over from the bugs. I had complete break down this morning and I don’t know what would I do if I didn’t have my toddler to care of. I am just so upset he took off in this stressful time (even decided to go 6am so he woke us up early). I was trying to get myself and my toddler ready to take him creche so I can study, but I just couldn’t do it. I broke in tears and texted him that I’m so tired and overwhelmed. He texted me that I’m just blackmailing him. My sister is now on the way so I can have a bit of rest and the rest of the day for cleaning and studying and calling another pest control companies. Am I being horrible for texting him how I feel when he wanted to go out for couple days? I just needed to vent.

No of course you aren't being horrible. He is being unsupportive/ After next week you'd be free, exam time is so so stressful. Does he resent your uni work? that you'll surpass him in some way?

Glad your sister has come, rest and then face the tasks in hand (essay and revision). Try not to waste anymore mental energy on him, he has let you down big time when you needed supprt most. He is selfish and puts himself first, he may even be sabotaging your efforts to grow. Just don't engage for now and get that essay done.

What an unsupportive twat. Is he normally like this?

He is happy I am studying. But I feel like I do so much for our family. I have two jobs so we can save up for mortgage. He goes to work 9-5 and then goes gym every night. And he just told me that my second job (I’m a nanny and take my son with me) is easy money. Wtf. I’m taking care of a girl who is 1 and very demanding with physical delay. It’s very hard job.

Why can't he take on the 2nd job instead? Then you both have 2 things your doing, him 2 jobs, you 1 job and study?

Sounds like a right muppet - he should spend a few days with the baby ALONE and he will come to realise how challenging it can be. Has he ever done that?

Why are you the one with 2 jobs? Sounds like he’s got an easy ride & needs his kicking into shape OP

I think I just concentrate too much on his happiness - since having child he keeps randomly mentioning how much he misses his old life and I feel like I devoted too much time trying to make him have a little bit of his old life in fear of loosing him. o he still goes gym every day and once a week with friends - usually weekend. He is willing to be home and help but then he gets moody and complains how much work this whole marriage and kids life is. I feel lost and I know what I’m doing is not right and yes - he has an easy ride ...

When does he ever have his child?

Saturdays (6am-6pm) when I’m at my second job ...and bit of sunday morning (6-9)

Do you think he WANTS you to pass your exam? It doesn't sound like he wants you to succeed and be more able to support yourself. Will this education enable you to work less hours? Earn more money? Have more time to think, maybe? Perhaps he prefers you controllable.

Do you think your mental health would be better without his "contribution"?

My education is more of a hobby ... I do get paid more in my current job than I would be once I finish my degree. But since being with him my mental health definitely got worse

When do you get to go out?

Does he cook or do any of the housework?

Op what's his contribution to the household? Sounds like your doing it all yourself with someone doing nothing in tow. I'd rather just do it all myself then be around someone who will let me do it all

He does some housework - once a week laundry or clean bathroom but I think I’m doing 80% work around...he doesn’t agree with me about that, but it is true. I’m thinking all the time that it wouldn’t make much difference if I’m single mum

Sounds tiresome, has the relationship always been this way? Playing devils advocate here but say nothing changes, another few years of this? How would you feel about living this way for the foreseeable?

Good grief, ditch the loser and leave him to live with his peers and equals,the bedbugs!

I’m thinking all the time that it wouldn’t make much difference if I’m single mum

As someone who regrets not having walked out on discovering my H was similar, I think you might be better off walking away now. From bitter experience, it doesn’t get easier to leave later. It gets more complicated.

I’m still hoping something will change. To be honest he changed a bit but it’s very minimal - first year of our child’s life he was out all nigh once a week- no weekends whatsoever. Nothing. Second year and he goes out with us once in a two months. He didn’t say anything positive or nice either. Now I hear “you look pretty or I miss you” once a while (like once a month).

Melanie your doing more than your fair share. He’s a lazy sod!
You sound like you’d be better of without him.
He sounds entitled. Gym every bloody night.
When do you get any free time.
You would be exhausted.
Sorry about the bed bugs. That’s horrible I’m sure.
You sound like your trying hard to keep him.
He really doesn’t sound worth it to be honest.
When he comes from the gym you should go out. I’d also say 3 times at the gym is adequate.

If you're the one working yourself flat out for the mortgage be very careful to protect your money.

Personally I'd leave him. He's not adding anything of value to your life.