Introducing step-children to each other

[iloveruby]

So, I wanted to get thoughts on what people think about this introduction.

Father brings his 16 year old daughter to meet 19 year old daughter of his new partner.

This meeting is taking place in the halls of residence which the 19 year old is moving out of.

16 year old ends up carrying the boxes of the 19 year old to help her move out. This is the first introduction before they all go for dinner.

Thoughts anyone?

(And yes, I was the 16 year old in this scenario).

I'm not really seeing a problem. Is there more to it?

what was the question ?

Sorry, I think the question is whether this is how you would want to introduce two step children to each other? With one carrying the boxes of the other and helping them move out?
I personally would want a setting a bit more neutral but wanted to get opinions.

I suspect the event itself would feel less intimidating for both parties because the activity of moving, would distract greatly from the awkwardness of the first meeting. Both teenage girls helping complete the move breaking the ice for dinner etc.. It sounds okay tbh

Sounds like a good first meeting.

Nothing as awkward as meeting someone for the first time and not knowing what to do with ones hands / what to say. Even more so when you're a stroppy awkward teen tbh.

Interesting views - thank you. I'll be honest, that was not how it felt for me in the slightest. It felt like the whole meet was about moving her things and I was just an after thought......plus an extra pair of hands.

I just cant imagine asking my daughter to move the belongings of another - I was still coming to terms with my father leaving my mother for another women.

It sounds like your dad didnt take into account how monumental that first meeting felt to you, as well as how much painful change you were going through, and you felt invisible.

If the circumstances of the divorce were calm and in the fairly distant past, to calmly introduce older children under fairly practical, unsentimental circs is fine. Takes the pressure off etc.

It doesn't sound like that is what happened with you x

I imagine the plan was to all go for dinner together but for practical reasons it was necessary to help one girl carry her stuff first. I think you may be overthinking it tbh. I don't suppose they were thinking "let's make X carry Y's stuff so that she knows her place in life"

We introduced our kids at the park (a bit younger than you) It was still a bit hard for one of them who was struggling with his dad moving on. If you're finding that hard it doesn't matter how you meet the kids of your parents new partner.

You make it sound like you were expected to act as skivvy, some kind of Cinderella? The issue isn’t with moving boxes, that kind of thing can be fun, but with your fathers attitude.

Thank you for all the responses - the separation had been extremely recent and my dad basically just went off with this new family leaving me with my mum and little sister.

My mum was a wreck, drinking, crying, breaking things etc.

My dads new partner was the OW.

There was absolutely no consideration about how to make sure the meet was something I was comfortable with. They were in the city because they had to move the daughter and thought they would kill two birds with one stone as opposed to actually thinking about what would be best for me.

There are a million other examples, and I'm sorry for the drop feed but this has been playing on my mind.

How long ago did this happen?

Twenty years ago.

I think it was quite good, in that it gave the 16yo something to focus on, plus a potential topic of conversation. Would have been far more awkward to meet over dinner and have nothing to say to each other.

20 years ago? Let it go, let it go ....

Ha! Yes, I should let it go and probably would find it easier to if the rest of our relationship had been ok. As it is I'm effectively with my father.

Effectively NC that should say...

the separation had been extremely recent and my dad basically just went off with this new family leaving me with my mum and little sister.

My dads new partner was the OW.

Twenty years ago

Your initial description of the events were .. in that case.. not accurate enough for people to make a informed response OP.

Did you Father stay with the other woman? Do you still have a relationship with Him ? the OW? her DD?

Given this new information, I think what happened to you were cruel and hurtful, but equally, just as cruel and hurtful to the other girl too.