Is there anyone totally in love who wasn't sure about the other person at first?

[bodgersmash]

Just that really.

Are there any of you who are totally and utterly in love but who weren't sure at first? I suppose I'm wondering if there is any point continuing to date someone if you have any doubts or uncertainty to begin with.

Not helped by the fact that I'm quite fickle and can't make a decision about much...!

I don't think I've ever been completely sure at first. You have to get to know the person and see how they related to you and act over time.

I wouldn't continue to date someone if there was really no attraction though.

Depends on the nature of the uncertainty. What are your doubts based on?

I dont think total lack of attraction will change (I.e. the 'ick') but my boyfriend of 7 months is a gorgeous, kind, lovely guy who I wasnt 100% sure about due to cultural differences and different interests. We have thrashed these out through talking and honesty and are still seeing each other. I think he's a keeper.

I dated loads over years and there was always something that made me hold back.
I met my husband and it was 200% instant I want everything with this man. There was nothing I didn't like about him. Years on we just as obsessed with each other.
I think there are different levels of love. Some people have intense passionate love and others calm and easy. I was never going to settle for anything less than fireworks if I was going to move in with a man and get married

There are no issues on the attraction front. In fact, I don't think I've ever been more attracted to someone. As in, the earth moved when our skin accidentally brushed once!

The attraction has been there for years as we know each other in passing. But now we're speaking/dating there's just something I'm not sure about. I suppose the best way to put it is I can't help wondering if he's a bit of a player maybe. He says all the right things but there's just something that makes me a bit... doubtful.

Listen to your gut instinct. It's there for a reason and IME is never wrong!

Got it, so it's gut instinct about whether you're sure you can trust him?

Whilst I don't know your chap, this instinct has never let me down.

I was head over heels last year about a guy I dated for only a few months. We physically and intellectually connected with a 'bang' but I had a little feeling throughout that I couldn't quite trust him. We split shortly after I realised he was constantly messaging dozens of female 'friends', even when I was with him in the end. I have no proof of any wrongdoing, most men I know I have female friends, but do they text them surreptitiously during dates?

With my current boyfriend, the gut feeling is that he is very loyal and genuine which makes me inclined to work on the differences (and enjoy all the great bits!).

If this niggle won't go away, I would say it isn't worth driving yourself mad about, frankly. That's assuming you dont always have this fear about a new partner and it is specific to this man?

If your uncertainty is about him being trustworthy, I'd give him a miss.

When I met DH I thought he was lovely, interesting, kind, we would get married but he was completely unattractive.

Few dates later and I had changed my mind on the lack of attractiveness

But a niggle about someone being a player, I think forget it.

I agree
Niggles are usually right.

There must be something thats set the subconcious alarm bells ringing, might it one of these....

*Been hurt in the past by a dog with 10 dicks (DWTD)?

*Physical clues (roving eye for example)?

*Actions don't match words?

Can you think of any specifics where hes proved untrustworthy?

ALWAYS trust your instincts.

Things that make me doubt him...

He was really really gushy about how wonderful I am and how happy he thinks we would be together at the beginning although that's eased off now, as I told him he was coming on too strong.

He seems to have mostly female friends and only one really close male friend.

He talks a lot about things he's done with exes/his past relationships which I don't like. EG he'll say his ex was beautiful or what they did for a job (if it was a good one).

He's very confident in bed and talks about stuff like he's some kind of expert! He's very confident in real life so I don't know if this is just part of that but it's a bit much.

Those are the examples I can think of.

Yes! It just wasn't working for me at the beginning and after a tense holiday I broke up with him. We'd been together 3-4 months. Everyone said he wasn't the guy for me - too laid back. We ended up having a heart to heart about 2 months later and agreed to get back together. I think a big part of the problem was that we'd both been single for 18 months or so before we met and were very used to doing things our own way.

Anyway, the relationship has gone from strength to strength and we are totally and utterly in love now. We have the strongest bond and a solid, stable relationship. We're planning to get married in the future and there's no doubt in my mind that we will be together for the rest of our lives.

But on our first date (met through Tinder), I looked at him several times and thought "Nah, you're not the one for me."

What a different story it is now!!

I don’t like the sound of him talking about his exes, it sounds a bit undermining or as if his mind is elsewhere, unless you asked for that information. I wouldn’t like to be told how beautiful an ex was

That said, I've never, ever had trust issues with him.

Yeah he sounds absolutely full of shite op...i also smell a rat.

I vote bin.

Agreed, all that doesn't sound great.

Sounds as though he's trying to undermine you or is very thoughtless (I.e. not fully engaged). I can't think why it would ever be necessary or tactful to say an ex was beautiful.

I must admit I've been pulled up about mentioning exes' jobs when they come up in conversation e.g. "I lived there with Jim whom i was with for 2 years, he was a (whatever job) from wherever" when I've meant nothing by it, just adding a bit of background. Obviously it's not that in isolation here though.

The sex stuff though, do you mean he talks about or implies his past experiences, because that is pretty inappropriate with a new partner.

The overall picture would make me uncomfortable, I think, and I would probably think about cutting my losses and moving on. There is no pleasure in wondering whether you can trust someone.

Yeah it's a bit strange. I knew him in a professional capacity first and he was always one for talking about past relationships even then so I don't know if it's just in his nature! And on reflection, I did ask first (asked why he broke up with the woman he was engaged to once). So maybe I'm overreacting.

But I'm just not sure. It almost does feel like he's trying to prove something. Without wanting to sound big headed, I wonder whether he is trying to almost prove he's good enough for me?! He did say once that he was surprised I even looked at him in that way, but that really conflicts with his very outwardly confident demeanour.

Will give it a few more dates and see how it goes...