Long term singledom

[joliejoleen]

After two serious relationships with abusive, controlling and insecure men, I am now seriously considering being single for a while (a long, long while). I think, for some reason, I seem to attract the wrong kind of man. And I can't imagine letting anyone into my life again.
Can you tell me about your experiences of being single long term? Are you enjoying it?

I love being single, only need my dcs.
I’ve had some hideous experiences though that have left me incredibly cynical! I think they’ve turned me into a man hater lol

Been single for 8 years. Have no interest whatsoever in a serious relationship with another man. Love being single.

Yes! Cannot see the upside of a relationship at all. Nobody to answer, nobody bar the kids to worry about, do what I want when I want and on top of it I do not have to share the wardrobe :D I have great friends so never lonely which is why I think some people look for a relationship.

Wow! Thank you! I'm loving your replies!
I feel the same at the moment. I can't entirely do what I want yet since my youngest is only 4 but I know this won't last forever. But I love not having to do his laundry or clean up after him. Also, more importantly, I can finally be myself. I booked a holiday for myself and my two DC and I loved having the freedom to do that. I love having the freedom to watch TV when I want. I love going to bed and just sleeping instead of being pestered for sex. It doesn't seem like much but my goodness, it means everything to me.

It’s shit but the alternative seems to be worse - at least for now. I also seem to attract abusive men, unfortunately.

A quote I saw on MN..
"A partner should add to your life, not detract from it"

If I ever find one that fits that, I may change my mind, for now, single is the new LTR..

You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy and fulfilled. Plus, being your own boss is awesome.

@SonataDentata

I've been trying to figure out why...why do some women attract abusive men?
Any ideas?

all women attract abusive men. (and non abusive)

Some women have the support arround them to fuck these guys off.

I think society makes us think only married people with kids are happy and successful. Once you forget that and concentrate on your life and not other standards it gets easier. I plan to stay single now and I'm happy with it, it's what I want. Don't compare yourself to others. To be honest I'm glad I haven't gone down that road now with all the environmental problems that are about to erupt in the next few years.

Women don't attract abusive men....abusive men seek out all sorts of women. It's not the woman's fault OP.

Yeah I meant to say that, it's not the person's fault, some people can spot vulnerabilty and they manipulate a situation.

@HennyPennyHorror

I've never looked at it this way. Thank you!

The right partner won't complete you. You are already whole. Instead, the right partner will extend you. They will catalyse your growth and the expansion of your consciousness. It's like finding love in someone that encourages you to find the love in yourself: which you keep giving back.
Vex King.

Until you find this stay single IMO

I was single for seven years with small DCs. It was definitely the right thing at the time, I got a lot more comfortable in myself. If that's where life is leading you, just go with it. It doesn't have to be forever.

Having a friend currently in an abusive and manipulative relationship, I would recommend you take the time to get some counselling. My friend stays with her partner (she has always had similar partners) because of her issues with a thoroughly unpleasant, abusive and controlling mother. It has made her vulnerable to thinking this sort of relationship is the norm. When we repeat patterns of behaviour that do not serve us, there is often an underlying reason: we're seeking something we lacked in childhood, or to repeat a familiar relationship pattern (perhaps to fix in the present what we couldn't in the past).

Unfortunately, I do think that some men seek out vulnerable women (that doesn’t make it the woman’s fault). I’ve experienced some outrageous boundary-pushing behaviour recently (e.g. one guy asking me to drive him 100 miles for free, after two dates! Wtf?!) which makes me glad that I had those boundaries in place rather than carrying on seeing another abusive man. This kind of behaviour tends to arise early on - they’re “testing” you to see how firm your boundaries are - but some men can hide it for much longer.

Go it OP. I was single for 8 years.Had a FWB towards the end of that time but between DS being 4-12 It was just us. Now i’m happily married again but it was the right time and i’m pleased I didn’t rush.